yingLOVEling

2010-01-21T03:06:00.003+08:00

i had been long time din come for a post, think should be after i lost my laptop ba... many things happened, everyday life was so pack and my life never get bored... that's lots of thing i wanna share but by this limiyed time, impossible for me to state out one by one.

First of all, entering second sememester was totally different story. my timetable seemed to start at late morning til evening. everyday rushing for class, due to the stupid, and little frequency of bus. as usual, malaysia public transport is always a big problem...

During the athlete camp, i din went bek home so joined my badminton coach, greg, went to melacca and had my christmas dere. quite speacial, at least not as usual stay at home and zzz... haha

Erm, SUKMUM is coming too, basketball competition is around the corner, too bad i wasn't choosen as the first 5 players. everyday training hard till my shoe wore off. until now, all games of 8th college representative din manage to get into semi-final. what a sad case. reali hope that girl's team basketball can get into it. we reali train hard for it. i scarified everything for it, not enough sleep, injuries, but stil loving it so much and shall give up of it.

This sememster, i joined 8th college angpau festival. it was my reali big mistake to join it. having a (i also dunno how to discribe her) head, was my nightmare began. never a thing she did i was satisfied with, always had arguement with her, and she just changed my designed poster which spent my three sleepless night to complete it, but she just edit it without informing me. i also can felt that she dun like me, neither i. just hope that this event can pass as fast sa possible. whether it success oa not is non of my business.

Having training and organizing an event at the same time really killing me. sacrified lots of sleeping time and my studies but ended up i wasn't happy of it, then what was the point being so suffering? i swear to myself never involve in any CC activities. they being so undemocratic, then end of the story.

I went for the interview for ptum, so i'll be the publicity exce next sememster. Publicity again! at least i was haapy and really learn from the activities. pray that it wun affect my studies. i wanna get into dean list, which i nearly got it in the first sememster, what a great disappointment man... haiz

Pray for the best! what challeges and unhappy stuffs today will bring a stronger and toughter me tommorrow.

2009-10-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

I wanna go for blogging since dunno when just that always cant find the time for it… times passed so fast, this was my 3rd month in UM, so many things happened till I dun even have enough time to sleep and the exam is around the corner, but my mind was distracted by something else. Sometime really hope that life can be simple and normal, was really tiring hatta undergo all those “surprise” and “excitement” life, I dun mind with it just please gimme time to rest and breath for fresh air.

Today was really a hard, long day… A day for exercise, I had been climbing up and down the stair to the 3rd floor for at least 5 times to search for my academic adviser for the saksi for my JPA scholarship. Then I find out that I missed up a guardian IC to be certified. Run all the way from the HEP which was located at the 2nd floor of another building to my faculty and ended up my academic adviser went out for lunch. Again filled with disappointment and tiredness. Was hoping that I can settled it by today, but only cant blame for my careless and what an unlucky day!

The another sad case was, I was planned to come back to UM during the study week because of wanna study with my friend, but ended up he ffk me as the reason of he wanna have study group with his friends… What was the problem with him, wanted me to accompany him for the whole study week, if cant do it then dun say you want my whole week… I am in the fire now, dun let me see him, or else I shall KILL HIM!!! Hate those guys who only have the mouth saying those empty promises!

The moral of the story is never believe or ever think of rely on guys.

Ps: dunno what happened to my blog, that I cant edit the colour and front size, sorry for the difficult in reading.

想念

2009-09-09T19:28:00.001+08:00

我总是贪恋
你离开后
微微的缺氧
武侠小说中
愈是无色无味
愈是剧毒

因此
我挂上耳机
静静读报
喝咖啡
很辛苦地
若无其事着

last goodbye

2009-09-03T19:43:00.000+08:00

Last Goodbye

Finally the day had come, wondering should I go to farewell him, my friend just texted me and told me that: “不要让这成为另一个遗憾”. True, this might be the last time seeing him. After the decision I even went to check online to see what is the cheapest rate to reach KLIA. Exciting and worrying about it, excited about this will be my first time going to KLIA and worried will us manage to go there and get back safely. It was kinda expensive and none of us were experience in taking KL transport.
1) Express coach (from RM 10 up to 25)
2) Semi Express is by taking commuter and bus (RM7)
3) Taxi (RM57.80)
4) KLIA express (RM35)
5) KLIA Transit (RM 35)
All was kinda expensive, feel so sorry for my friends who accompany me there.

Right after my class, it was raining heavily, I went to the bus stop and waited for my friends to came out from the hostel. We took a taxi to the station university and took LRT to KL central. Over there we went to search for buses and we manage to find airport coach and spend us for RM18 to and fro, everything was still under our control of budget. The 55 minutes was full of thought was will gonna happen next, we keep sms-ing each other and he had no idea I was on my way to meet him.

Inside the airport was so huge and we kinda get loss inside, exploring and kept taking picture inside like it was a trip and totally forgot what our mission was over there. The best part and also my favorite was the chocolate shop! So many different varieties of chocolate and sweets… a place where I wanna spend my entire time over there, have so many supply of chocolate and yet many brand that I never try before. Chocolate lover hehe…

Then I was so headache of what to buy for him, my friend suggested tie (too expensive), socks ( I felt kinda weird) then at last I bought him a note book and wrote a note inside, hope the book will be useful for him in his new studies life at US. Everything was kinda rush and I only manage to meet him for 10+ minutes. He din expect me to come and I wanted to give him a surprise. The time was so short and I still have lotz of stuff wanna talk to him, he started the conversation, seemed he had let go of the past and when he mum came to urge him time to meet his friend and enter the plane. At that moment I became so nervous and dunno what to say, wanted to take a picture with him but my brain just can’t function and I had no idea what to do. Ended up we just had a good bye hug. My brain became blank and all those wishes unable to come out from my mouth.

Seeing he walk away from me, without turning back, his back moving further and further away from me, I turned too to find my friend. No tears, no feeling just some emptiness that I also dunno what happened to me. I though I’ll feel sad or maybe cry, but seemed that I had control well of my feeling. When to the departing hall, seeing him from another corner hugging with his family saying the last goodbye, then seeing him going down the escalator, hoping he would turn back saw me but he just dun realize I was there. Watching his back become smaller and smaller, I knew that why I dun have any feeling, because my heart had followed him and flied away with him.

He went and my friend gave me hugs telling me not to be sad. I was kinda shock with my steady and emotionless, maybe I was really a cold-blooded animal. I continued shop for my chocolate and taking picture like nothing had happened. No matter how I still felt the coldness and the sadness of the airport. We suppose took the 10.30pm bus to come back to KL central but over-attracted to the chocolate and grudge going back. As the result we took 11:30 bus and reached at midnight and cheated by the taxi driver by charging us RM8 each, and we reach none of us said thank you to the driver. We spent RM 30 for the transport but we reached safely. What an expensive trip and just manage to see him for the 10 minutes, I was scolding him why duwan to come to meet me and yamcha as least can chat for longer, and he told me scared later no topic to chat.

Soon my feeling come back, it was so terrible and no matter what I doing, where am I, my mind was full of his shadow and the memories of stuffs we did together before. I hate the feeling, it was so suffering. Besides missing him I can’t concentrate on my studies. What left behind he left were just the memories and the teddy bear he gave me during valentine. Since the day he departure, he din even tried to contact me, while I was the silly one missing him. Telling myself is time to let go of him and move on with my own life. But when I went for basketball training, I saw a guy in the team who was look alike him from the side view, just that the guy was fatter. I was kinda shock and kept looking at the guy, and I thought the guy also realized that. The moment I wanna forget about him, his shadow appear again, dunno was coincident or just my imaginary.

I had no idea what to do, the more I telling myself not to miss him, the more I suffer and can’t concentrate on what I doing I was just like the soul went off from my body, where my soul when I also dunno. Even chocolate din taste like chocolate anymore, my only medicine was kept sleeping, and it was the only time I freed from any mental suffering. No matter how hard I hide my sadness from other, the hurt inside was always the hardest to cover up. My friend told me that why do I look so pale, but who can I tell I was so pain inside and gonna collapse any moment.

All was my fault that when the flower was blooming I din take good care of it; when it fall off and die, only I started to regret and watering it but it was too late. Now the tree had fall sick.

name

2009-08-24T14:00:00.000+08:00

What wrong with changing name, name is just a way of calling someone, a term that you need to respect! From Joycelyn changed to Sherley wasn’t that I change without a reason but still it can become the topic of theirs… I just dun understand they like just wanna spread it and let everyone knows it, just like I had did something and waiting the police come to get me into the jail.

Why did I change? The person told me that the name- joyce will cause me very busy but ended up I wun get any reward for it, and with that name I’ll always under someone and wun be able to become a leader nor success… but with the name given Sherley, I’ll have someone there to help me when I need and able to fulfill my dream and everything shall be going through according to my will… maybe ur not believe of it, but I do so please gimme some respect and privacy and stop announcing “ Do you know that Joyce is no longer Joyce, she had changed to….”

Nothing will remain so I’ll take this as my new life, what is passed let it be a past. From now on I’m Sherley and please do call me that!

life is unpredictable

2009-08-20T06:18:00.000+08:00

High school life was the best, matric life was the best, etc… but we never heard of people saying my life now is the best. Past was past and future is unpredictable! What we really have is NOW! We should appreciate us still able to breath, eat what we like and able to sleep soundly, compared to others we are really far too good that we have everything except being contented. No matter how high you jump, how good you score in the exam or how fast you run; you only found happiness at that moment, human being often think of what they dun have but never satisfied with what you already had. How high you fly, you still will feel tired and home is where the place you can rest and settle down. Contention is the wealth inside us that contribute to the happiness.

Able to study medic is it that important anymore, the viruses are spreading widely all over the world, and the amount of people die due to H1N1 had reached 1713 people and the figure still rising everyday. How many of the patients can really a doctor saved? Doctors aren’t that perfect, they can just help but now saving you from the hand of death god. Maybe I should be grateful getting into the best university in Malaysia, still having the chance to study while people outside there fighting with the disease and hoping for another chance to see tomorrow sunshine.

And yet the natural disasters are happening everywhere, izit really a natural disaster or human’s works? The flow of water was out of control of the earth’s gravitation full, is became unbalance that can be seen through the flood at china and forest’s fire at Australia. How could this be happening? There was once my friend told me about that the calendars of India only until year 2012, 21th of December (21-12-2012) dunno izit just coincident or there is something behind it. While my friend told me symbolized the end of the world, izit true I dunno, and I wasn’t believe at him that time, but now what happening around us making me start to believe as we continue destroying the earth, we’ll get the consequences and it only will took two more years to show us the result. The earth is now giving us forewarning whether the human wanna learn from the mistake or not it depends.

Typhoon at Taiwan, flood at China, while other place having dry season. All happened at the same day, leaf through the newspaper was all about the disasters and the diseases. In the other hand, the Afghan is having war among their people due to the politic voting. When will human start to aware of what that did is wrong and stop those stupid action.

Why are there H1N1 and SARS viruses? If human dun eat meat, dun be greed of eating those wild birds, the viruses wun be able to enter our body and transform to another kind which will harm our life. All was human’s act that as the result harming themselves. Cancer was another result of selfishness and greediness of human being. The invention of chemicals and genetic modified food to the crop and food, in order to get a better yield and crops free from pesticides, without thinking the harm that will bring to the human’s health. As these chemical and GMF enter our body, it effect the brain controlling system and hence it change the genetic information in the cell which cause repetition and the formation of the cancerous cells. Who to blame when problems appeared? How will the problems gonna stop? Only when the earth doesn’t have any existence of human being... Sad to say the most intelligent human who inventing those high technologies try to save people and improving their qualities of life but in other hand they are slowly destroying themselves.

19 August 2009 3:18 pm

blood donation

2009-08-15T13:23:00.000+08:00

Finally I manage to donate blood. I missed so many times of the chances to donate blood, till though it was a curse haha.
First time was during matric, that time I was still under age and that day I had bought ticket to go home, missed! Second time was the worst, I had mentally and physically prepared for the blood donation, ate healthier food and vitamin and sleep earlier that night but ended up I had period on that morning, I really wanna cry out, only can see other people donate although I passed all the test (weight, heamoglobin count and blood pressure), my mum told me that maybe was I not suitable to donate blood so my just passed away grandma protecting me…
The third time was Wesak day, but suddenly we found out that my grandma had a fall and entered hospital, no choice we rush back and missed again! Fourth time was my college’s de, so coincidently I having period too… Few day after that, at the uni also having blood donation campaign, when I went there, it closed!

For the sixth time, and finally I make it, after all the obstacles, I manage to donate my blood haha so happy. I went there with lee wei and bee bee. After all the test I passed but they have low blood pressure so the nurses over there advice us to have our lunch first. Ended up I ate too full and cant donate blood scare I’ll vomit, so I walk around and take picture for them and be the last one to donate. In the process, the nurse tied my hand too hard till, my hand no energy to pump and turn white due to no blood flow into my hand …after the adjustment, for the first time I can feel the blood flowing out from my body. So happy can help the others and had the feeling of success. lol
Why would I want to donate blood so much? It is just same as the reason wanna help those who need and maybe due to my grandma was a dialysis patient, always need for blood transfusion. Manage to help others who really in need are always the happiest thing, hope that the patient after receiving my blood can get well soon. This is another way for me to help “my” patient without need to being a doctor.

14 Aug 09

changing course

2009-08-14T13:29:00.000+08:00

Changing course

I got the scholarship of IPTA, sponsor me for all the tuition fee and expenditure for food of rm700, until master and PhD at oversea if I have a good result but bonded with the government to be a lecturer for 6 years. It was a very good offer and I have no worries of money and job finding in the future just I wasn’t my cup of tea! I asked my friends’ opinion, all said interest come first in your concerning. As you know, studying chemistry wasn’t my first choice, and all the problems seemed to pop out…

I was so innocent thinking that I shall have a easier life by choosing chem, no need to study so hard and can enjoy life by taking this course and in the future, I can high opportunity to find a job and get high salary. Compared to medicine, I can graduate faster and may have the title of Dr too… I was wrong, studying what you not interested is suffering! Although among so many subject, chem was best score but no matter how hard I putting my afford in liking it, I just can control my mind.

I used to focus too much on medic, planning all my life related to medic, but the final exam in matric was when the nightmare started, if I could focus and study well that time, the history might had changed, I wun be so headache persuading myself to accept the fact. Even now I wanna change course I also dunno what courses I can change to… engineering, I din study physic in matric, it will be difficult for me without a strong base. Architect, no physic base and creativity; pharmacy and dentistry, not interested; linguistic, poor and terrible in languages… what else can I change to? Ended up only can change from pure chem to applied chem, so sad case!

Without interest, you’ll find it so hard to proceed and find hundreds of disadvantages of it but not a single advantage. No matter how easy the subject is, it will become something that is so hard and unable to do… I realize that interest is the one controlling your mind, your action and your passion toward stuff, but is too late to make a u-turn. Was it a right choice I took this step? Should I continue? Whenever there is someone talked bad about it, as usual reaction, I will protest but now I’ll follow and accept what they said was true, having no point to argue with them because deep inside myself also agree with it… Tiring telling myself dun regret and that was my fate which was best for me.
Chem and medic was such a big different subject. I thought I had mentally and physically for the change and prepared to accept the challenge, as the result I was not! I can’t accept being very normal and casual, when you tell others about your course, their reaction were “OIC” not “wow” or surprising… I hate their reactions, hate myself unable to get good result to study what I want. Although chemist also consider as a scientist but seemed its level was lower compared to medic and engineering, like those not smart or people who get eliminated who studying it. In my course, mostly is stpm students, some of them will think that you are not smart enough to get the course you want. It was true that chemistry wasn’t our first choice.

I shouldn’t listen to my dad, aiming for UM in order for the convenience of transport. If I know the result was like this, I rather apply for USM or go Sabah or Sarawak to study medic or choosing dietitian and nutrition then I would have less regret… although is so hard to score but it is so fun studying it, even now I felt so sad unable to further my study in bio. Everything is too late, my friend advice seemed to be true, reaching for the dream is always the most important, money is just secondary. I really hope I have time machine now to undo back all the mistake steps!

uni life

2009-08-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

Uni life!

I had been selected for basketball training, sounded nothing special, but this was my first time my talent being noticed. I was trained by my dad since small during primary school, due to badminton was so common, and everyone knows how to play so it was really nothing special about knowing how to play. But I wasn’t trained for the strategy, which was my weakness that can’t enter competition. Now is my turning point haha…

University life was so so different, the cruel of the reality had slowly shown to us by asking us to aware of the life of society in the world. Independent, always be aware of people beside you and alert to the environment…in another word, being sensitive and you as a single individual, not one can help you and others are all your competitor, BEWARE!!!

Uni life is also kinda boring and dull… everyday wake up in the early morning to make sure dun missed the bus (often not punctual) and dun late to class, then listen to the lecturers (even though boring also need to make yourself stay awake and ‘pretend’ pay attention), class till 5 or 6 was so tiring and night time still have practices or not then yamcha… oh, end of one day and repeated the same every day. Really like lack of meaning of continuing the life… swt… although it was very pack and busy, joined lots of activities (which only making yourself suffer more due to time crushing and not enough time), and passed very fast (which is my 6^th week here) but I dun find any things that can make me unforgettable or special of… maybe just more freedom and friendship (they are really crazy and cute haha)…

Hatta set a motto for myself in order for a more meaningful and successful uni life!

taxi

2009-08-04T05:48:00.000+08:00

I love shopping, which girls don’t… But dislike window shopping… go to the shopping mall and enjoy buying stuffs as long as affordable, I’ll save money in order to spend happily during that time. No one can stop me when started to addict on buying stuff nonstop… and eating the secret recipe cake or baskin robin ice-cream is the best part of life. I dun mind how much I spend or regret of buying that stuff, not to say I am rich, just looking at the account book’s figures wun make you feel happy… you can say that I am materialistic or dun have a financial planning, for me what is more important is happy and dun regret of it…

As today, I went to withdrawal 300 bucks from atm and bought 3 references books one go… I like to read just like I like to go to Popular and library even thought without any purpose, looking at those books also can felt very satisfying. Then, carrying those heavy books went to Rumah University to eat fish and chip with friends, feeling so happy trying on something new… later, after eating became so lazy to walk back to the bus station and that time was so hot, then we decided to take a cab back. At first I tot was 3 bucks back to hostel, then only found out that once u sit on the taxi, it will charge 3 bucks then see how long is ur journey and go by meter… ended, around 7 minutes car journey (20 minutes walking distance) took us 5.20… that was so expensive! I always got con by the taxi driver, last time went to pasar malam, people paid for rm5.50 but we paid 10 bucks due to the reason of after 10pm the fee is double swt.. and another experience was from my house to pyramid it was such a short distance it also cost me 7 bucks… sobx not the first time maybe they think I am innocent nice to cheat?

interview

2009-08-03T15:55:00.000+08:00

Interview session

This scholarship wasn’t my cup of tea, I was thinking of changing to applied chemistry instead of pure chem, due to higher paid and better prospective in the future. This scholarship has the good of it will sponsor all my education fee and giving me 700bucks every month for my personal expenditure and send me to overseas to further my master, but there is a bond later on I hatta work with the government to do research. Government scholarship always will wanna tie us and work with them.

This wasn’t the problem, this morning when I went to the interview, I was told by the interviewer that this was for future lecturer. It was so unfair that government always provide a lot of scholarship to those teachers and lecturers…

I was the first candidate and I had no idea and no experience how a formal interview will it be, my previous experience was just interview for the posts of club. The first part was the group interview, 8 of us from um, all Malay and I was the only Chinese, I can’t really participated in the group discussion because of my poor Malay speaking.

First of all was introducing ourselves, I cant manage to finish my intro due to I kept stopping to think of the Malay words and might be too nervous. Then we were given the current issue about the PBSMi, should the government change the science and math subjects to be taught in Malay? And how is the Malay language gonna sustain without using it. Secondly what is the ways that the intake of university students increases the ratio of country side students? I suggested using 50% academic and 50% skills in Malaysia examination system. And inside the room was freaking cold, gonna freeze inside. The aircon was just behind me, the cold air blew into my backbone I was shivering inside the room. In the end I took a hot tea and hold it in my hand but still shivering nonstop.

Second session was individual which took about 10 to 15 minutes, I was praying they can let me out quickly. They asked me about the scop of lecturers involved… totally blank and dunno how to answer.
2) What is the quality should have in a chemist
3) What if you are offered for this scholarship, will you choose your studies or husband?
4) How are you gonna maintain your result in order to continue getting this scholarship. If you din get good result, you will hatta pay back, are you willing to take the risk?
5) What are the qualities in you?

After my interview session, not a relief came into my mind but headache and sleepy. Hope to get back asap but hatta wait for everyone to finish the interview session. Waiting doing nothing was damm tiring, wanna sleep but cant sleep. My heachache became more and more serious. At 12 when everyone had done, but the bus driver said wait together with the afternoon session to complete only go back together mean hatta wait till 6. No way, I wanna go back to do my homework and report. Then I followed a Malay girl back, but waited for 1 hour plus only her brother came, and go around the kl for another 1 hour, finally I had my lunch at 3 something and got back to hostel at 4. It was really tiring of waiting time to pass. Ended up I found out that basketball practice was on sun night not sat night.

If I would know earlier, I’ll ask my dad to fetch me back at 10 in the morning. An experience of an interview spent so many of my precious times. Besides that, I fall sick result of too tired. Omg, it was really a ‘special’ experience!
25 July 09

16 july 09

2009-07-17T14:19:00.000+08:00

Experiment time~

It should be an interesting period, playing with chemical and apparatus, the best part of experiment was when dissection during bio practical. But today after the experiment, there is a thought came in to my mind, that is can I change course. From 10am to 5pm practical, I was wondering what can we do for so long hours, but as the result, it wasn’t enough for the experiment.

Today’s experiment was volumetric analysis, for the total, I had titrated for 8 times! My hand was so sore and standing for the whole experiment. People also study in faculty of science, but why as chemistry student hatta suffer much more than others. I tot din get the offer for medic then can enjoy university life, but doesn’t work that way! And I dun think medic students will have such a long practical time as us. So cham and torturing man! The lecturer sat in front and played laptop, and just informed us time to lunch and let her see the jotter books. Luckily we have two nice tutors.

The unlucky stuff was, I was so tired and still the burette wanna make the situation worse, I titrated until half suddenly the screw loose and all the potassium permanganate solution flow out and spilled on my lab coat, first day I wearing it, so sad! Now it had the brown stain on it. Omg, dunno how to remove the stain and my hand also kena. After all the contact with acid and chemical substances, my finger become so rough and ugly, it was worst than washing clothes.

After the lab, I still have math class, I felt like sleeping in the nice air-conditional room. When the lecturer speaking in front, it was so hard to concentrate. Then at night still had hostel activity. The schedule was so pack and unable to breath. I joined basketball, athlete, badminton, dokumentasi and pusat sumber. Haha, next time I dunno how to play magic to separate myself into many person haiz.

2009-07-15T16:17:00.000+08:00

I had so long din blogging ady, always wanna write but time was so hard to manage. Now was so sleepy but still hatta search for lecturers note. I was so tired and thinking of giving up, go back home and hide under parents’ protection. Everything hatta be independent, no more spoon-feed. University life never as easy or enjoying as what others said, it’s all depend on our hard work, either you pass or fail. Competition among everyone, and you are not allow to slow down your steps, if not you will be leave out. It was so tiring, now really hope there is an angel appears in front of me and help me settle all the mess and I may have a good night sleep. Every morning, before the alarm rang, I would wake up myself a few times, scared that I missed the bus and late to class. I was so tension and stress even though is not exam yet.

The campus is so huge and every day I sure get lost in somewhere of the campus. Seemed to be a good exercise but my legs gonna broken. And my plan was always upside down. It never goes according to my plans. We never plan to fail but fail to plan. That is so not true. I was so frustrated with those messes. Help!

The hostel was another sad case. The room was so small and crowded. I hatta sleep in the double-decker, what a terrible experience. And the under it, it was so hot, every night I sweated, never have a good sleep. Mosquito was another problem but luckily my dad had helped me to put on the 蚊帐.. nevertheless, I still decided to stay in the hostel and din tell my parents that we are allowed to move out, due to the traffic jam problem and I wanna join lots of activities in the college so I can make my university life unforgettable and gain great experiences.

This was the second week of university life, so far so not good. I found out I like cant caught up with the lecturer. They were so fast, and proceeded at the speed of what they like and dun care about others business. My pet bro told me that I’ll slowly adapt with it. I felt so hopeless and helpless. No one close to guide me, lead me to the right path. Ever since I din get my favorite course, I just follow the path that my dad decided for me which will lead me to a bright future. But in between is all about my lonely adventure… Just hope that God will always by my side, giving me strength to proceed and make sure I get good result in every semester and dun get extended. I can have my master in shortest time. Amithaba!

15 July 2009 1:13am

goodbye dream, goodbye bio

2009-07-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

I had slowly accept the fact of not becoming doctor anymore, had another image of enjoying life and dating with my bf. No need to study biology anymore! I wun have the chance to learn more about our part of body, how it work, how to maintain it healthier, know the symptoms of sickness and so on… plants, animals and our environment etc… shall start keeping those precious bio books.

I had realised that all this years I had gone through the wrong path, I no good at biology and never get good result for it, blindly study for so hard and thought of it would be my future. Stupid me never realised that what I really good is chemistry and mathematics. Ignoring what is I and tried so hard to go for what I like. What the decision god makes for me is really for my best.

Why would I wanna be doctor so much? Izit because of fame or interest? To be different and special and prove that I am good since no one in my family history had becoming a doctor. I dun think so. I was a dystocia child, my mum always told me to appreciate of what I had, but I just like to take the challenge and believe that nothing is impossible as we try hard. Nevertheless, thing is always not as easy as we think, and sometimes it just dun work the way we want it to be.

I wondering since when I have come to believe the god’s will, just following. Where had the not-scare-of-lose me gone? Scare to neither take another step forward nor take another challenge after the fall. I felt myself is such a coward! But I really tired and had a painful experience.

I had done my very last try, if this fail, I’ll just give up and dun ever looks backward anymore. I reappeal for the medic course in UM, and with the help of my dad friend who work inside the high ministry department, which have a quite high chance to get it. But if I really get it, how will my mentally and physically which had prepared for the chemistry.

I knew deep inside me still hoping to become a doctor. Yesterday I went to Sunway Medical Centre to do the x-ray. While walking into the hospital, seeing those doctors, I felt sad that place will never be my working place, I will never have the chance of wearing the white coat. Hospital is some place which everyone dislike but I felt that is the place which giving those patients hope to survive, I did felt warm in that place and thinking next time I’ll be the one wearing the white coat working on either SJMC or SunMed helping the patient in A&E department. I’ll promise to be a responsible and kind doctor helping those in needed by having a smile in patient’s face as the reward. It shall be a dream after all. Goodbye my dear Dream!

26 Jun 09 5:23pm

H1N1

2009-07-06T23:33:00.002+08:00

This morning I was awake by my non-stop sneezing, suddenly I had I terrible feeling, so scare that I was affected by the H1N1 virus when the visit to the hospital and clinic. I started praying that I can’t be affected as I gonna start my uni life next week, I still have such a long journey need to go through and blaming for the university for asking us go through what body check up and x-ray screening at this peak of virus spreading. The worries caused me fever this morning and I though I really got affected. I measured my body temperature was 35.88 but I still felt heat in my body. This time I was more worry than the time having SARS, scare and plan to keep myself isolated from others. God blessed, as I started busy of my stuffs and the worries had been forgotten and the heat gone too. Life is really short, when only will we start care for it.

The medical check-up is just like cheating! I just did for urine test and blood pressure, others the doctor fill in himself and still dare to collect 50 bucks from me and I waited so long for that stupid medical check-up, waiting time, energy and money… and the x-ray cost me another 50 bucks, dunno have any side effect or not. My friend told me that I went for government only cost 20 bucks include x-ray film. Omg, why izit so much different, oh my money $$ fly away. But at least it was safer from H1N1 than the government hospital and no need to line up. Haiz… Yesterday there were so many things I were so unsatisfied and cost me so much money!

26 Jun., 09 6:01pm

PR

2009-07-06T23:33:00.001+08:00

At Hsu Ann’s party I had found out one thing. I had become the alien I can’t join their topic, even a sentence! Suddenly I like from different world, from a talkative person evolved became a silence person, just can smile to their topic, finding myself being ignored. Besides sitting there, I dunno what else I can do, just hoping Chin Xia could come earlier. Dunno since when my English became so terrible, I couldn’t speak well and fluently as usual, just like long time din speak, it had rusted. Helpless and bored! Without internet connection, I had being outdated and not keep contact with many people. Out of reach of information, they weren’t know what was going on with me so did I. Not having a car, having limited freedom, can’t go out for gathering or yamcha, causing my PR is declining and I hate my situation and my attitude.

Relationship this kinda stuff is so hard to predict. Everything is a time limit for it including friendship. Friend forever? Is that true, is just a feeling; you can see it or touch it. When the time comes, no matter how hard you try to hold on it, it slips away. Just like the rain in the midnight, what you can see just the water left on the road. Friends come and go only the true one stay. A true best friend stills now me still searching of her trace. Maybe I appear but I dun realise.

For all this year, I thought I had found one, not to say true but best friend. A good friend is someone who laughs with you not at you. Our friendship contains this quality, even far apart, she called me to share our happy stuff but never talk about our problem. Whenever I try to speak out my problem, she will try to avoid or she is busy of something else. I dun have a shoulder to lie on that why I really need a friend a cry on. I really appreciate the moment we spend together, just hope you’ll be there when I face a problem and pray that distance and time shall not bring us apart!

22 Jun., 09 5:12pm

result

2009-07-06T23:32:00.001+08:00

The result was out, the good news was I managed to get into UM which was 15 minutes from my house and quite convenient and the bad news was I got Bachelor of Science in chemistry instead of medic. This was one of my eight choices, I had no right anyone for it, just myself dun get 4, which caused the dream ruined. As a result I just had chemistry in the end, why dun I just enter UTAR and study there no need to go to matric and became different from my friends. I had plenty of reason to persuade myself but as the heart had decided on something, it was so hard to be changed. I told myself if can’t get what I interested in then go for job that can earn lots of money. Doctor is so suffering, everyday hatta be prepared on call, and is not that easy to graduate, just take chem and enjoy life. God had helped you make the decision and take it as your fate. Ect reasons but still cant accept the truth.

19 Jun 09 4:02pm

sleepless night

2009-07-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

I really hesitate I having insomnia, every night couldn’t fall asleep, tossing and turning round the bed trying to find a suitable posture, and took one or two hours to fall asleep. It was so suffering, seeing other had sleeping soundly, and the brain just dun wanna have a rest. All the problem flying in the mind, felt so irritating without having the solution.

Since young I also face the problem of fall asleep easily. Every night I would count sheep while others are dreaming of sheep. This problem became worst as I grew older, only when I really exhausted only miracle happened but that were very rare cases. Even I was physically tired, eyelids were so heavily but my mind still very actively. I really felt the mind became so wildly and out of control, like it no longer mine. Mine no longer following my instruction, my most reliable part had betrayed me!

In the morning, it dun wanna wake up, naughtily never had enough sleep; in the afternoon or evening the sleepy mood had came; as the night fall, sudden freshness appear, just like telling me the night was still young, enjoy! But I was suffering, the lights were out, there was nothing I can do, then the mind would started to run freely with its creative imagination. Till slowly (which took me hours) only willing to take me to the dreamland.

20 Jun., 09 4:28pm

birthday wishes

2009-07-06T23:30:00.000+08:00

On my birthday, really nothing special, as I said we dun celebrate birthday like others. I just had pizza for my dinner, staying at home tide over my birthday with my family. But I suddenly heard of many people have same birthday with me including huongyi. But he went celebrate with him family by having seafood dinner outside.

As for me, I dun expect to have an expensive dinner, just want someone close accompany me to have an unusual birthday. Last time I always thought of skating on birthday and on Christmas are very romantic event. I do thought before to go for skating lesson and skate with many beautiful styles and maybe get a chance to performance. Just like ballet dancing freely on the ice. Even thought of getting a bf who good at skating then can teach me on skate, those who can skate so well are always so pretty and handsome with their beauty of confident.

I get a call from hsu ann to invite me to her party. Swt, I dun get to celebrate some more hatta attend her and her brother birthday party. Haiz, dun she knew that I some how will feel a little unhappy for that but I still promised, now hatta worry of what present to buy for them.

But most sadly was I dun get to eat a cake on my birthday nor a Chinese noodle or red egg. Nevertheless, I dun regret of not join my matric friends to Genting. I prefer stay with my love one and get bored of it also duwan to see someone I dislike. Maybe that was the pay for choosy and got ffk by my friends and getting lonely. I just dun understand whenever I asked someone out either they duwan or in the last minutes they can’t make it. I hate that feeling, why dun they just follow my wish, I wun wanna ask them out if I duwan they to accompany me.

I just wish I have a car can go wherever I want to and have better people relationship so I dun get bored or feel lonely. I do hope I have a very close and best friend be there for me whenever I face problems and need someone to talk to and a boyfriend care and love and accompany me and help me in my studies and problems.

My 19th birthday wish is:
1. Get to study medic in UM
2. My parents will be blessed with good health and happiness
3. I can manage to get a humour, caring boyfriend and can help me in my studies
4. My family will live happily, no argument and well-being together
5. Hope that this world is free from disaster, war and pestilence

May all my wishes come true!

18 Jun., 09 4:27pm

birthday

2009-07-06T23:29:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday, I say to myself! As usual birthday is nothing special I shall just spend it myself. At least I get present for this year and birthday card. Just everyone have their own activities so have those birthday wishes together with me also consider not longer alone as they is still someone remember and care for me.

I can’t fall asleep last night, thinking the next day is just some normal ordinary day, felt kinda disappointed. Was planned to go KL celebrate with my same day, celebrate together as we planned long time ago. Who knows, everything just not happening as what I planned. The couple dun wan a light bulb, my husband fall sick and same day din allow to come here alone. The plan had ruin and just left me alone in house, even brother also busy. This morning I woke up at 9 but force myself to sleep back till 11.20 since there is no program. I was anticipating for surprise but no miracle happen. Without a bf, birthday is always lonely!

On my birthday eve I went out with chin xia and Fiona. I got a teddy bear and flower from them, so sweet of them knowing what I want. Maybe too long din see each other, there was a strange feeling between us, and I found out I can really speak fluently. I did realise that I was from different world, they talking about college life which I totally no idea about it. If I ended out just getting chemistry course then what for I entering matric, and make myself an alien. Scarification is never equal to what you get!

17 Jun., 09 12:55pm

unfair

2009-07-06T23:27:00.000+08:00

Unfair!

No matter how hard I study and doing notes I never get the result I deserved… But other just enjoy their life still manage get better result. I swear that my scarification never less than anyone but still why my result never get better than them. Not that I wanna compare with other, I dun even can reach the target that I set for myself.

Just like what Edison said, 1% of inspiration and 99% of perspiration. Nevertheless, my hard work never equal to the result I get. I hate myself why in the last minutes I sure break down and ruin up all the hard work of study. During the study week my brain will suddenly blank up and data can’t enter anymore. The important time my brain just liked to be the opposition of me.

I hate it, which was so unfair; I sacrificed at my entertainment and relationship to study, study till midnight and dun tell me my way of study was wrong. I just try not to burn midnight oil, but my memory doesn’t stand on my side, it just can’t remember too earlier but I just dun have enough time for it! Why God is so unfair, giving someone with good memory, smart and talent but why not me. Even I study hard, You also dun help on hardworking people. I do deserve BETTER!

After all I just wanna be a doctor to help those who needed, wanna be a volunteer to help out those who innocent but suffer in the war and natural disaster, but why other just like to complete with me to get into the limited place of medic course. Those places only deserve for those who interested and willing to sacrifice not those who smart and money minded! So those who not interested just get lost and dun waste the place of mine!

If I end up just being a chemists then what for I enter matric, study so hard and suffer so much. I just wanna be doctor, other I not interested! I sure I qualified for being a doctor. So be fair, let me be what I wish, a doctor. Only dream can drive me forward and higher.

I hate the examination system in Malaysia and unfairness of selection!

27 May 2009 12:48 pm

dream

2009-07-06T23:24:00.000+08:00

After watching the animate of the girl that leap through time, I notion of going back to the past to change my results, my spm and matric results then I also dunno how. Haha. If I get better result in spm then all things after that will gonna changed… hmm, changing future what will happen next. Maybe will get jpa the wun never ever dream of being a doctor.

Maybe what happened there is a reason for it. I had undergo this experience, does it a way of pushing towards my ambition since young? Or getting such an unexpected result was a hint to stop me from taking medic?

Yesterday, I still can’t fall asleep till 3 am, was thinking about my future. I was thinking I still will continue what I wanted by taking medic but not in um, then write a resume to the SOS hospital in Singapore, unexpectedly they accept me and offer and sponsor me to study in university Singapore. Wow! And find a doctor bf to teach me in my study... go go go! Go for it!

Actually all I want was just wanna be a doctor and go overseas to get a better opportunity to let other people to realise my unrevealed talent. Why wasn’t born smarter like those genius can remember right after they read and understand the text without any difficulties. Then I should not hatta suffer and worry that much. I wanna prove to others that I am as good as others. Why they can study with good grades why can’t I? Isn’t it God is fair but even thought I study hard I still dun get good result in those important exam.

Maybe I just wasn’t that smart or talented. My talent was always be covered, like at home due to transport or financial problem. Even I interested in music or dance i never get a chance to learn. Only there- matric was a totally dream-digger place.

22 May 09 10:09pm

straight or turn

2009-07-06T23:21:00.000+08:00

What an unlucky day! Omg, really is time to go seek for advice from fortune-teller see what is going on with me?

First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!

Moreover, sorry for unable give the best present for you. Today was result out day, suppose all my hard work is time to be rewarded with good result. Nevertheless, there is problem with my study way. As what people said, study smart not hard… How the right way of study and what is is study smart. I did notes and din work last minutes but everything just gone very wrong in the study week. What is the thing going wrong and I can’t figure it out, guide please. Now I do wish I have a sibling which is elder than me give me advice and support.

Today was planned to go for car driving, but I felt that there is something wrong with the car, it was not balance, the steering kept moved to my right and found out was tyre problem, I get scolded for not checking before scolding and I realised I dunno how to change tyre.

Something bad sure happened before getting my result same as during SPM result released and end up I din get good result for it. That day supposed to be a happy day to gather back with the entire schoolmate but suddenly I get a call that I still owe school book and hatta go back to get it. Damm unlucky.

Today, same thing happened, izit the unlucky sign and I din get 4 flat meaning that can’t enter medic course. I went far away to matric just to study medic but thank to matric I dare to dream of something seemed to be impossible for me. Now I seemed to be an ant losing its direction. Dunno what should to in the future. Aim for the sky and reach for the star, I aimed for medic now dunno what course to apply other that medic.

Should I still go on with my dream, why cant I just get 4 and all the problems is settled! I dun understand how could I get a B for bio, to study medic, B is an insult! And A- for math, unacceptable! What I got was so unpredictable; I knew I dun really did well but not this worse. Honestly, for Chinese to get this kinda result is so embarrass. Omg, who can I blame of?

I din do well for matric then how am I qualified to study medic, how to survive through the 5 years of medic life. The confliction in me began ever since the unconfident of me choosing the medic path so how to end it? Izit dun choose medic than this kinda headache will gone forever and live freely after that. But in the other hand, I wanted to be doctor so much! I hate myself! Why wasn’t I born to be smarter or braver in taking challenges?

Now what? Move on or turn other direction?

20 May 2009 3:45pm

post-matric life

2009-07-06T23:20:00.000+08:00

Fourth day coming back from matric, still haven get used to the usual life over here, the home spend most of all my time, but I seemed dun really like this place. Last night I can’t fall asleep, kept awake from nightmare… Was I dun like or cant used to? This place where I grown up, I get my parents love, but how can it replaced by the matric’s hostel? Nope, the feelingless hostel is never able to replace my home sweet home just over here I can’t get the peacefulness and freedom over there.

After coming back, there wasn’t any day of peaceful, non-stop quarrel and everyday trapped at home… none of my friends contacted me, just like this whole year was a dream. After woke up nothing left, everything was just back to normal. Had I been slept for 10 months... maybe, what happened over there was too much to be real—I won first place for the running, I became the model, I was famous and well known but how come not even a single person contacted me, I tried to reach them but they seemed no interest in messaging with me… it must be a dream…. Now is time to wake up and forget about it.

In front of everyone, I was jealous by many people, have many friends and mixed well with everyone, always that happy smile on the face but who would find out the emptiness and no one to chat to when facing problems… no one would ever realise that, I was always alone…

deleted memory!

2009-07-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

I do really hate YOU! Because of you I loss contact with others, I made you my centre of life, if you knew you I cant be then why you gave me hope since the beginning. Or else you can tell me the truth after matric as u promised but why before exam. Do you know I kept distracted and cant concentrate because of your truth… you are so selfish and never think of my feeling, maybe you still wondering why am I so angry and I cant accept of it, I din tell you because I still hope to maintain as friends between us, no matter how, there is still a barrier exist between us and it hurt whenever I tried to pass it… you never knew about it, you thought your mission is done after the truth reveal, and want my bleeding heart to console you, I hate your selfishness! If I knew is that hurt, I would never wanna know the truth, or you can just lie to me, I hate your selfishness! All had came to the end, the memories between us I shall wipe off, you were first guy managed to make me so conflicting and hate you so much and shall I delete YOU from my memory. Sayonara and hope we never meet again.

love

2009-01-03T09:00:00.000+08:00

Love. What is love?

He had successfully enter my life… why is this happening again? After those hurt and heart-breaking, how could I manage to fall in love again? Isn’t what I told myself and prayed, never fall in love again easily except the guy love me more than I do manage touched me…

He is just a simple guy. No special qualification or talented. But how could he? He had no experience how to court a girl, never fall in love in someone, but how could I? How could I fall into the trap even though he din set a trap, how could I be so stupid. How is this happening, I had the feeling of liking someone secretly, hate the love which have no return, hate being a dummy thinking is there any possibility, hate myself dreaming of it, why can’t just be the another way round?

God, please help me! Help me get out of this kinda suffering, this kinda of feeling, unsure, insecure, helpless feeling. Let me know am I inside his heart…

Is he my Mr. Right? He is nothing good but will show up when I needed. He isn’t humour but manage to cheer me when I am upset. He acts like a small kid, but he knew a lot of thing that I did not. He was a big dummy and always scolded by me but he never feels angry nor counters back. He is a piggy but willing to scarified his sleeping time to help me. Is this how he enters my heart?

When he knew my mp3 spoiled, he knew I can’t study without songs, he borrowed his mp4 to me until I get back my mp3. He borrowed me his laptop when he knew I was rushing for assignment. He called me maybe because I said chat with him is very expensive by messaging. He carried things for me when shopping without complaining. He gave all the vegetable as he knew that I was a vegetarian.

He asked me to cycling after my JPP election to release out my stress, offer me ice-cream after exam, borrowed his math notes during exam till he have no time to finish it, asked me no need to go with him to collect leaves for project because it was drizzling, and accompany me back to hostel at night after our discussion. He bought chocolate to say sorry although wasn’t his fault, and planned treat me ice-cream after the exam.
He patiently listened to my complaints or can say we often complain to each other, that feeling was so nice and sweet. Just wondering when will he be my herm herm.. haha start dreaming again. He was so caring that make me so touched and slowly the love seed grow…

He is so nice but it hurts…

Only a few days spending time together doing project at my friends house, I had found out his weakness and yet his good. And make me found out that I had fall in love with him, in the other hand knew that he was not interested in relationship. I felt jealous when he closes with another girl.

What had happened to me? Who can tell me? Is this worth it? Only time can cure it… should I bury it into a deep deep place or confess to him? I have no idea how!! Can everything just stop then I shall have less troubles and worries!

01 JAN 2009

2009-01-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

2009 January 01

Actually what is the special of being in the New Year? Now I had the record. Now is 6:07 in the morning... I haven’t sleep yet... just now was celebrating and playing games... I never celebrate New Year, maybe just went to was the firecracker in pyramid...

Got abit headache now, hatta sleep already after the research, cause line at night is faster haha.

I hope in the New Year, i can get good result and manage to study medic in the future. Secondary, i hope my family will be well and happy always and always blessed with good health. Third, if possible get a bf.. lol
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

life is short

2008-12-25T12:31:00.000+08:00

How long have you not calling back to your family? How long have you not have a meal with your grandparents? How long have you not hug your parents and say how much you love them?

If you really have long time din do it, better act fast. Life is short. There is so many thing that is so unpredictable, dun let it become your list of regret.

Our parents or grandparents always considerate for us, say if we are busy then no need to trouble to go back, telephone bill is expensive… but do we care and considering for them? Maybe is time for us to go back and spend more time with them. No matter how busy we are, they are our closest people, inside us is flowing their blood… just take a break and have a meal with them, or go back often, just a same action like this will also make them very happy.

Act fast, life is as short as candle. Dun regret because is too late after all…

love

2008-12-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

爱，
大公无私的爱，不分内外。

疼，
疼惜子孙，不愿让他们冻饿。

关心，
关心子孙的安危，钱够不够用，却没为自己设想过。

担心，
总是担心别人，担心自己的病是否会拖累他人。

期盼，
期盼子女的归来，嘴里却说不必麻烦。

牺牲，
牺牲了一切，给子女快乐地成长，换来一身的病痛。

坚强，
坚强地把子女养大，坚强地与病魔抗斗。

活了八十个年头，牺牲了一切，为他人任劳任怨，辛苦得活了一生，如今已可以摆脱痛苦，远离病痛的折磨。外婆，您安息吧！
人生虽短暂，只要活地有意义，就不算虚度。外婆，您就有如一盏明亮的灯，永远为我们照亮，但您的爱将永远在我们的心中，成为我们的推动力，让我们勇敢得活下去，去造就另一片天空。
您的爱造就了今天的我，您将永远活在我的心中，坚强地面对种种的困难，成为一名医生，救活更多的人。
外婆，谢谢您，我爱您！对不起!外婆，不管您在何处，都希望您与爱和光同在。
我不会再哭了，我知道您过得很好！

dec 12

2008-12-13T16:00:00.000+08:00

Dec 12, dunno why, I cant concentrate on my study, usually at night was my best time to study, no one to disturb me, but no matter how many time I read the passages, it just go into my mind. What’s wrong with me? End up I studied till 3 am. Before slept, I prayed for my grandmother, hope god will blessed her not to suffer of pain. She would spend the rest of her life with happiness and not suffering from her diseases anymore.

On the day, before, my sister called me and I insisted to talk to my grandma, she said her whole body was very pain. But she still worried of me, asked how was life over here? I told her everything was fine and not to worry about me. I told her that god will bless her and wun feel pain anymore…

The next day, I went outing with friends. Suddenly my phone rang and it was my dad. Oh god, I din tell my dad I outing, will he angry for not telling him, who knew, if I knew I’ll not pick up the phone.

Who knew, that day was the last time I able to talk to my dear grandma, I dun even have chance to see her for the last time. Why can’t you just wait till Christmas? I had already plan to go back to visit you, just few more weeks… When was the last time I saw you? Think was the August holiday.

After the call, I was also surprised to my calmness. I just sit quietly and tried to think back those memories I had with my grandma, but nothing came to my mind. Izit my brain cant function or the memories that I can clearly remember was after my grandma was sick. Sadly… heard from my mum, because of the wrong diagnosis of the doctor, my grandma wun end up go for dialysis for these two years and suffer so much that she doesn’t have to.

My dad asked me no need to go back, my grandma had go with peace, she had went with Buddha. I was struggling, how am I gonna apply for holiday if I just went back like this? But this would be the very last time to see her… I asked my cousin and I broke down. I knew the answer. I sure my grandma want me to go back, maybe that was the excuse for me to go back. I missed her so much.

I had made a very shocking decision. I went to the terminal and bought a ticket back to muar alone. That time I can’t even buy the ticket myself. My friend helped me to buy the ticket and straight away get up to the bus. I dun care of everything, din bring any clothes to change, nothing, just wanna go back as fast as possible. First time in my life took bus alone, the journey was so lonely and moody. 4 and a half hour journey had made me so tiring, plus slept late on the night before. But was to see my dear grandmother for the last time, I think it worth it…

I reached muar at 1.50pm, the bus consider quite fast. Waiting my dad to come to pick me up, this time I came here with a totally different feeling, suddenly this place seems to be so different to me. My whole family came to pick me, they looked so tired and my mum’s eyes were red and ‘bengkak’. We went to the place where they place my grandma, everyone were there already. They were surprised to see me there. I was told to pray and I went to see my grandma. She lied and slept inside there with peace and relieve. But was so skinny and left only skin covering the bone. What was life? To suffer till the last breath?

I din cry, even I also can’t believe it… I still felt she was just beside me, never leaving us. She was just left her sick body and the illness, I was sure her life after this would be good, free from suffering and also happy ever after.

After that I went to my aunt’s house to have my lunch. And we hatta be vegetarian for 49 days. Avoiding killing, following the Dhamma’s taught. I changed to a blue t-shirt; symbolize the 3rd generation… sad…
I went there again, to pray and chanting… This was the last thing we can do for her. The section was serious and I saw my mum and aunt sobbing. They tried hard to controlling the tears, because we dun want grandma to feel grudged. We want her to continue her ‘journey’ to become a god.

Over there I met my long time no see cousins. Izit that only once people had gone only can manage to gather everyone, to make them regret of what they did. When grandma was still alive, everyone was busy to come to see her, even as her children also dun want to take care of her, only my aunt take care of her, and my mum will go back once having holiday. Therefore, I always go back to hometown was because of this reason. Now I pity of my aunt, she always be with my grandma, her husband and her children were always not at home, it was my grandma who accompanied her. Now the sudden absent of my grandma, dunno how she is gonna get used of this… Thinking of this my tears just felt down like this… My aunt sacrificed her time and everything for grandma, but in the end………. I heard she had became very hot template, can’t blame her, she just need time, same as everyone of us, need time to get used that when I go back, I had no one to call as ‘wai po’ already… just hope she can ‘recover’ soon.
I was forced to come back earlier, because my parents dun wanna my studies to be affected. I dun get the chance to ‘send’ my grandma for her last journey. I knew she wun blame me, but I did… because of study so far away, I can’t take care of my grandma, I can’t be there for her before she went, can’t see her ‘ zui ho yi mian’.

Now everything had passed, and hatta move on. As long as my grandma had went to heaven and lives happily with my grandpa.

Grandma, I miss you so much!!! How are you up there? I really hope you can come to my dream and talk to me.

Amithaba

2008-12-12T09:31:00.000+08:00

So sad, I was informed that I have replacement class on 20th dec, means I can’t go for my Buddhist camp. If I go for the camp, then I’ll be absent for three days, and missed a lot of classes… that stupid replacement class had spoiled my entire plan and my rm180 had ruined… just hope that now can find someone to replace me…

BF

2008-12-08T17:09:00.001+08:00

What is so big deal of having a gf or bf?

To cure loneliness or just for entertainment? Have how many people really loved their bf /gf? Or just some sort of puppy love? Someone can say can’t live without he/she, and then he/she is the one wanna break up. After break up, then becomes nothing, dun even wanna mention of each other and never contact each other… each other continue with their own life, pretend dun know each other… What is the meaning of love then?

When my friends beside me, one by one have become couples, I will feel… dunno how to describe, loneliness, sadness or maybe jealous…

My friend even joked by saying wanna built a ‘gu po yun’ for me. Some asking me why dun wanna go find a bf… they said until I dun wanna have a bf, they dunno that how much I hoped to have someone to be there for me when I say or alone, someone to buy me meals, someone to rely on when tired, someone to care of me, to protect me when I am in trouble, accompany me when I alone, bring me go shopping… I was always waiting for that suitable guy to appear… Am I very greedy?

Even some dun believe that I din couple before, and asked why… How am I gonna explain o? Funny question. Sad experiences I had been through, always the person I like dun like me… what can I do? Accept those I have no feeling toward him? I can’t do it. Dun set my target too high, you think love, this thing can be controlled…

I had once let go the opportunity, which I can only blame myself. But only because I rejected him only I realised how good was him, that I slowly also fall in love with him that I dun realise before this… But it was too late…

When people tried to get near me, there will have lotz of worries and thinking come to my mind… Maybe because of the terrible experience before this… See from outside, I can mix with guys freely, but once reach a limit, there it is, can’t be any closer… Haha, I also can’t help with that.

My pet brother, we had once always sms with each other, but suddenly he like disappear. Always said he was busy of his studies, I was still so stupid to believe him, but the true answer was he had gf already. He Had GF already! And he told me is time for me to find one… Have gf then can neglect her sister? Maybe for him I was just a pet sister… cruel him!

Have gf/bf already then friends and family become nothing… why? They said no time for others… Damm sad, knowing each other for so long then can suddenly replaced by a gf/bf…

I also anticipate for HIM to appear. But who can tell me when is he gonna appear, when is he gonna then? My friend will console me by saying is just not the time yet, a good one worth waiting… wait patiently till the time to come… lol.. Sad…

I dunno why I so worry and nervous of it. I had been single for all this years, I am used to this kinda life, and always place my study in the first place. But why change?

BF

2008-12-08T17:09:00.000+08:00

this too shall pass

2008-12-05T03:00:00.000+08:00

This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be.

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing on me
Secure in the knowledge God love me
When everyone else seems to doubt me

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

By Helen Steiner Rice

This was my eng teacher gave to us and this let me thought of before the exam, I was almost giving up, because bio was so many things to memorize. And I was thinking am I qualified to study medicine? Being a doctor was my ambition since small, but this dream seems hard to achieve. And the newspaper even reported that at least 5 doctors were found to suffering from mental illnesses. OMG. Should I go on or take another path? Dream or Reality?

result giving day

2008-12-04T10:22:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, was result giving out day, can consider as open day just that the parents din come. Nervous? Nope. Just telling myself not to think of it, and I was busy with homework because of went outing on the weekend and a lot of homework staking waiting for me…

It was on Tuesday, and the classes were still gone on. At 11.45am, my friends were pulling me to go take the result. It was still early, we hatta wait outside the hall, and people started to worry about their result. But we still able to joke and the situation wasn’t that tension. Once the door was open, everyone rushed in, and I was the 1st one, I stun and dun dares to take another step. Keep praying every step I took, a lot of different situation flashed into my mind.

And the result was just I wanted, just I got B for English. Never mind, be satisfied with what I got. Izit a curse? I never get good result for my eng paper before, even failed it. This was what my dad care a lot, he wasn’t satisfied when he knew I got B for it. When everyone thinks eng was nothing, no need to study, but I do care and study for it, but always can’t get the result for it.

Thank GOD!! All my hard work had got its reward. Not to boost, I really scarified my sleeping time and entertainment for this exam, never in my life so tension before. But after I getting my result, someone just said how can they get 4 flat so easily, they just saw the outside and dunno how much effort we put in.

I dunno izit my classmate was angry of me? We promised not to tell each other our results no matter how was it. We dun want because of result affect our friendship, but my math tutor teacher forced every one of us to say out our result. Dun him care of our feeling? Maybe of the message, I was trying to comfort her when she told me din score well, then maybe she misunderstood my meaning and thought I was telling lie.

What was the feeling getting the result? Happy? Nope.. When I saw someone crying after getting the result, suddenly I also feel very down. Dunno why. Some more it rained heavily that afternoon. No mood at all. I have no initiative to let other know about my result because I think it was nothing to proud of, it only adds sadness to those who doesn’t get what their wanted. But dunno who was the big mouth spread it and everyone seems to know it. Some when they congrats me, I can feel the bitterness inside them. I did experienced it before, nothing can cure it but time.

give & take

2008-11-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

Why shall we be forced to making choices? Sometime the decision we make is not according to our will but for the best.

Now I had two situations that I hatta make a harsh decision. I had no idea how, scare that once a mistake will make myself regret. Hating the feeling of regretting, why hasn’t I choose the other way instead of this? Lol, confliction occurs inside me now…

Actually it wasn’t anything hard just headache that need to make a decision that is the best solution that everyone will happy with it, including me.

Firstly, I had sign up for a 4 days 3 night Buddhist camp, which I joined every year, wanted to meet up my Buddhist friends so badly, to reunion with them, to tell them what had happen to me about my life in matric. There is like my second home, let me feel peace and comfortable and place that will bring me away from this stressful life.

Unfortunately, this camp crush with my college, which one is on 18 dec and the other is on 19. How? Crazy! But luckily both are at the same place. Lucky or not? I am force to join my college’s as I am the exco of students’ representative. Seem that I don’t have any choice. I was thinking that I apply holiday for two days then I go for the Buddhist camp for the first and a half day, my college’s students will only come on Friday after class. But on the hand, I will miss up a lot but most importantly is I have biology practical in Thursday morning, if I missed it I will get no mark for that report. Then, if I go after my practical, then I will only reach there at 12 noon. It is late and so troublesome. Hatta trouble Jeremy comes to pick me up and was thinking quit the camp. But I was told that there aren’t enough participants so I am not allowed or I will not get back my money. RM180!!! That is my pocket money. And I am not sure whether I can manage applying for holiday. Why no matter which ways I take also a dead end.

Someone told me to follow my heart, but the situation doesn’t allow me to do so.

Second one, my college is organizing Chinese New Year activity, I had joined protocol and stage decoration’s which was pulled by my friends because of not enough people. And I told myself that I am not gonna join back performances, cause dun want let myself ended up like last time tired of practicing. Yesterday, I randomly go see they practicing che ling (a traditional Chinese game) and I seem to get interested toward it. Died lo, I where have time to join so many activities o.. If I feel bad if suddenly quit the other two, they were not enough people only ask help for me, den I fong fei gei, I also dun like the me who do something until half way then give up. But the che ling was what I wanna learn since my high school but hatta give up because of transport problem. Two of my different inner self are arguing and fighting lol…

I hatta give up a lot of my wills and dreams last time but I dun want this happen again. Why is it that I hatta betray my will in making decision. Why can’t the situation just be on my side? After coming here, I like being trained to making different types of decision. Important or small thing… Just hope that God can lend me a hand or tell me in my dream which is the best decision.

“A good decision is always hard to make because you’ll never know whether the decision was right or not until you’ve already made it. The best is you think rationally and not emotionally. Imagine yourself as an outsider looking at your decision.”

This was told by Chantelle. But Chantelle, do you know is hard!

Maybe this is part of life, part of growth; take it and face it, cause is your fate!

People can only give you advice but can’t help you in making the decision. The last choice is always in your hand!

But advice please…

stomach ache experince!

2008-11-16T04:00:00.000+08:00

Oh god, what had happen to me? Stomach ache! Which make me had a sleepless night… and now having fever.. Stomach ache is a very rare case in my life, that unexpected stamachache had make me dunno how to handle it. I even thought that take a panodal would reduced the pain, cause that is the only pain reliever I had.. swt == but nothing had turn better, I even went to toilet for 4 times.. It was so helpless and I dunno what to do to cure the stomach ache. Pray was my only hope… Pain doesn’t gone but increased… The food inside my stomach like spinning around and muscle of my abdomen kept contracting and cramp! That time was 12 something, my friend had slept already… curving myself on the bed and can’t continue my studies and homework… Before I slept, I ate some bao ji yuan (medicine to cure stomach ache which I steel from my sleeping soundly friend.) The rarely free time I had during weekend I planned to finish my tutorial homework been spoiled by it! Thanks to that dutch lady milk… Torture and suffer me for the whole night… If I went to my friend house for BBQ then I might not drink that spoiled milk and wouldn’t end up having stomach ache on the bed. Haiz…

Outing

2008-11-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

First weekend of the 2nd second semester, dunno why everyone was so excited to go outing. Five persons had asked me go out, but I rejected. Reason was I was very phobic to stand on the bus for almost 2 hours to and fro Kuantan, and the squessing process like the sardin in the tin was terrible experinces and had to have good self-balancing. I had also exceeded my pocket money due to the trip to lin ming san (where I had went to sg lembing to climb mountain in the 8 nov) and books for 2nd semester. Most importantly, high stacking homework was awaitng me.. sob sobx T.T So many reasons to prevent me form outing. Haiz guai guai stay in the room to rest myself also not an bad idea after all.

2day, my class had open a group blog, onlyyou4h20.blogspot.com

Time can change someone!

2008-11-12T03:23:00.000+08:00

Something happened, the meeting had make me so unsatisfied and dissapointed. Suddenly I felt so down and unable to concentrate on my study. I just took my phone and wanna text you a message and told you how I felt. The message was typed but unable to send to you. I was stunned and wondering should I press the send button.

In the end I make up my mind and cancelled the message. Since when there was a big gap between us that I was no longer can text you message just like we had been for the pass few years. You had push me far away, even thought you didn’t say it but I can feel that you were avoiding me.

You had make me get used to your existent. Last time, at late night when everyone had slept, when I can’t fall asleep or I felt sleepy but hatta keep myself awake to study, you were always there for me. But now, you were pushing me away, do you know how sad am i? From a sweet message become a short and stranger message. And later on you never even bother to text me. Last time the ‘you’ will always make me happy when I am down, follow my wills just to see a smile on my face.

What had make you changed? Where was the ‘YOU’ had gone? Is time really can changed someone? Why do you so cruel and treated me coldly? Just because of that incident? I just hoped that we can back to the friendship we had. Our friendship is just that weak? Or had you forgotten the sweet memories we had?

Sorry for hurting you so terrible. But that time really wasn’t a right timing. If there is another chances maybe the answer is yes. What I can say now is only sorry, realli sorry! You dunno know that I felt hurt too after that incident- first time after rejecting someone. SORRY

18th birthday!

2008-11-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

Birthday..

Sawing others birthday had someone celebrate for her or him, suddenly inside me will be very jealous. Not to said I small gas, but that was reminded me of this year birthday! 18th birthday was a sad case. Not only hatta being apart from family and friends came to this stranger place knowing no one and hatta spend my birthday alone without celebration. Luckily still had birthday wishes from my old friends. I got a two hours call from ye heng to wish me. But I was very touched of it. Even thought was just a call, that had comfort my homesick and loneliness.

I was planned to go home that weekend, but due to the short weekend and no one to accompany, I was forced to stay over here. That time, I knew very few people and they weren’t that close to celebrate for me. Sometimes, I did thought that was it a wrong timing to birthday on June?

Why do I still talk about something that had pass? I told my mum about it and I get scolded that she didn’t even celebrated when she was small. I also hoped that I can let it go, what was passed was passed and anticipating for next year wonderful birthday. But I just can’t let it off, always will thought of my 18 birthday, once in my life time just passed quietly without any celebration, present and friends beside me. :’( unfair!

May be you will think that why am I so pessimistic? Where had the optimistic me gone? I also wondering. Help me to find back the happy and always joke around girl back! I miss that ME!!!

Exam- PSPM

2008-11-05T18:06:00.000+08:00

Exam exam, what is the main purpose of examination? Torturing us? Stressing us?

From small test to important examination. From examination in school, test to getting a driving license to interview to get a job… Different kind of exam is to let us know how cruel and competitive this society is. Believe or not this had become part of growing, becoming our childhood.

I had just passed my so called final… I studied like hell. Dreaming also about I haven finish memorizing biology. I studied until 3 or 4 in the morning… I also can’t imagine how crazy am I. Ended up, I fall sick on the day before exam. I took panadol to reduce my fever, consequently I become blur blur when answering my math exam. Everything I studied by burning midnight oil, all my hard work was wasted. Originally knew how to answer but headache made me wrote different and self-invented way of solution. (So take it as an advice, must let yourself have enough rest and don’t exceed your limit)

But there was something more crazy decision I had made. I went to my friend’s house on our revision week.. Unbelievable what is going wrong with me? Usually people will study hard in hostel and not going anywhere. Maybe I just wanna run away from the stress-causing-building.

I still dunno was it a good or wrong decision I had made. There was a good over there was I had nice food to eat and I hatta sleep earlier. The bad was would got influenced by the movies. Haha..

My friend who I went to her house, her name is called pui sin but I called her as Tong Tian, because we both born on the same day… What a coincident, ended up we became close friend! But she had a brilliant brain, for her, bio was just a piece of cake, she can memorize all the facts and terms very fast and managed to built up story to help me memorizing all the 11 chapters which were gonna kill me if without her. Thank a lot tong tian!

Sometime I did think that do I qualified to come here. Most of the Chinese are very smart here. Not like last time, happy go lucky. The changes had made me nearly can’t breath. Everyone had to complete with each other to get a place in local university. Only those who get good result can survive. I know is sad to hear it.

Compared to spm, I really study very hard for it. Telling myself must get all A’s in this exam in order to study medicine in UM. But after all, I am hesitating do really can become a doctor? There is much thing to study and lots more of terms need to memorize. My friend told me that nothing is impossible because impossible spelled as I M POSSIBLE! I really wanna become a doctor to volunteer myself in those emergencies or help up in the natural disaster cases. I even hoped to join SOS, a Singapore mobile medical centre. The main problem is my memory power is so limited. Ways to increase memory power? HELP!

Speaking Test!

2008-11-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

Sorry for the absent.

Today I just have my MUET speaking test. Wasn’t that bad after all. Nervous + butterfly in the stomach. Haha.. Think is a normal case in everyone. From a candidate D become a candidate A. A big nope but a huge different. Thanks to wrong calculation from my friend. But I still manage to act confidently in the examination. Hehe.. My topic was about what is the greatest global issues – have traditional values, environment problem, the raising prices and increasing of crime rate. Mine is traditional values… Only after the task A I managed to think of those points. Never mind, there is still time for me to speak it out in task B. But who knew that the two malay girl talking slowly and keep repeating others point of view. Make the whole discussion become a competition of who talking longer… LOL.. Can’t stand them man! In the 10 minutes discussion, I only got to speak out twice TWICE!!! I really feel like scolding them for their selfishness.. After the test they still happily smiling over there said it wasn’t hard.. #*@%$#@...

Anyway what was over was over. I still have listening, reading and writing and this Saturday. Wish me good luck lar…. But because of this test, my mid semester holiday just ended like this. SAD + BORING!!

2008-10-08T11:14:00.000+08:00

My Raya holiday was so pack and full.. On 26 Sep I took bus from my college back to selangor. D whole bus was just my collegiate. Haha.. My college had booked the whole bus just for us. In the bus only I met someone who I knew since form 5. When went to the same tuition centre and he stayed very near to my house. But I never know he came to my college and didn’t recognize him.. I was so bad and terrible. He came to me and asked am I stay in Sunway. Since that only I knew his existent. We went back together by took the monorail and KTM.

Right after I reached sunway, I requested to go to SS18 Bazar! I missed the food there so much!!! It was so much nicer and more variation than my college small bazaar.. I bought curry puff, baked potato, kuih, coconut water and … forgot already haha… I met Jie Qi there. Dunno why I felt that he grew taller, maybe I everyday saw my college guys short short one… Lol…

Staying at home for two days only then I went back to my hometown, Muar. I stayed there for six days.. Everyday eat eat Eat only. When I wanna take out my book to study, I felt very embarrassed, cause why I suddenly so hard working.. lol… Dunno why, this time of exam I felt very tension and stress, I told myself I hatta get very good result in order to get into UM to study medicine.. In the other hand, my relative advised me not to take medic because hatta study for so many years, after study also too old to get married and the working time for doctor is not fix. Although the pay is high but always hatta work overtime, where have extra time for husband and children. Is true, but I more worried now is whether I get into medic course and manage to memorize so many facts.. Haiz..

On Saturday I took bus went back to selangor. Sitting in the bus again!! This one week holiday I sit 4 times of bus and 12 hours of journey! Hate taking bus.. On that night I went to Julian birthday party at redbox, pyramid. That party was okay okay.. Because he invited a lot of Taylor’s friends which I dunno. He also invited Su Anne, Ye Heng, Jay, Ee Ling (my dear Husband), Wai Kit, Debra. I went to redbox but I didn’t sing a song. Just dating with my husband only haha… But I drank wine and sparking juice.

5 October, sad, I hatta come back to this college. Moody… Hatta faced unfinished homework and exam. I did my homework until 1 midnight. Panda @.@ And I had be informed a BAD NEWS, I gonna have MUET (government English test) in the middle of my mid semester holiday.. Means I only have 3 days holiday instead of nine. Sobxx.. =’( I called back to tell my parents about it but dunno why I cried! Homesick + Bad News = Helpless

2008-09-24T11:15:00.000+08:00

Hi, sorry for so long didn't post any article. Was busy preparing the Pesta Tanlung event. I was in charge of the flow of activities and the riddles. The feeling was like doing Chinese Society's event at high school. The different was more effort and responsible was needed to put in. Almost everyday meeting, discussion and also practice for choir. Haha.. Choir.. Yup.. After coming here I tried a lot of new stuff, such as basketball, squash, tennis and choir. Sound interesting? That is my way of releasing stress. Lol…

vegetarian life

2008-09-03T20:31:00.010+08:00

The experience of being vegetarian in my hostel was terrible experience… Is not that hard being a vegetarian, is just that the malays are carnivore, they can’t live if din eat meat for a meals… can see from their plate, all was meat and vegetables were just once in a blue moon, so unbalance diet…

The trouble for me is they put meat into the vegetable and cook together… I was so headache what to eat. In cafeteria B, even I asked them dun put meat inside my food, they just ignore it. But in another cafeteria, they did what I asked but they cooked till very oily and spicy… lol… How to be pure vegetarian?

I do feel guilty for can’t be a 100% vegetarian… I have no choice but to take out the meat and egg… and even the bread also added milk and margarine… What can I eat then? My mum told me that is okay, but I really wanna help my grandma and do some last thing for her…

So as conclusion, staying over there is either having gastric or increases my cholesterol level. Lol…

And at last is the 49 days the very last day of my vegetarian life... the hardest of all is not ur favourite food in front of u but u can’t eat but was at other people house u can’t control what they cook for u. And I can felt they treat me differently that why am I a vegetarian. Even at my grandma house they will ask: “oh, u can’t eat meat then what shall I cook for u?” “Do u wanna have a try of this, oops, u can’t eat huh..” what izit so weird being a vegetarian.

But after the 49 days, when I started to eat me I cant really used to it. Can felt the stomach cant digest the food well. Even now I still continue to be a partially vegetarian by eating egg and milk but reduce my intake of meat. Haha... maybe there is someone will laugh at me that dunno how to enjoy life but I, myself know better how to life healthier. Haiz, that is the result of study too much of bio... lol

A Nightmare

2008-09-03T20:31:00.009+08:00

A heart-attacking and shocking incident had happened to me, first time in my life (seems I had lots of new experience here, but I hoped it would be the last time also). Say also you wouldn’t believe, I had a Girl Admirer! But it was a common thing staying in hostel. Don’t know was lucky or unlucky, only second month over there, she picked me!

Staying in girl’s hostel, we would start calling each other “dear” or “darling” after being close and even sleep together during weekend’s night. Everything seems to be normal until she appear.

She started to approach my friend, saying that she was very lonely and have no friend. After hearing that, of course my friend would ask her to join us, but we never know we had drop into her trap. At first she was interested with my friend, Ivin, who was a really friendly person. But coincidently, she was busy and ignored her.

On the fourth night after knowing her, she came to my room (and she was different block from me) at 12 midnight. I was doing my homework, she sit by me on the same chair (that time I didn’t think too much). We started to chat about her past, she said she had three ex… (First was a short first love. Second, she refused to talk much about it. Third was a SHE! And she asked me whether wanted to be her FOURTH!!! OMG) She also talked condition to be her “boyfriend”, which later on only I found out she was describing me... She even requested to stay overnight with me that night but I felt something wrong and refused. I was thought much until my friend and me talking about it on the next day.

But the nightmare didn’t stop just like this. She followed us to eat, followed me everywhere except for class hours, until I don’t know where to hide. I don’t dare to go back to room and refused to answer her call or reply her sms. Avoiding wasn’t the best solution, my friends suggested telling her indirectly I had boyfriend. Plan went on by calling her out for lunch, we started to talk about my “boyfriend” and she just listened quietly. After that, she went back to her room and we thought thing had ended. Who knows, the next day, she came to my block and search for me. Coincidently, I was away. She asked all my friends she met where was I and of course they were on my side, they text me messages to beware of her. She brought her books planned to study with me but we were different streams. On the next day we were having tests, she was really going to drive me crazy.

She found out that I was kept avoiding her. Surprisingly, that night, I saw her sitting with other girls, chatting happily. Don’t know was she had changed her target. Anyway, it was good news for me and relieved from nightmare!

The whole process just happened for one week only. It happened too fast until I don’t know what was going on, unable to think clearly. After that only I realised I wasn’t the only victim. But still pity her, she would become a lesbian most probably because of her second boyfriend, hurt her until she hated guys.

2008-09-03T20:31:00.007+08:00

JPP

2008-09-03T20:31:00.001+08:00

I had joined my college student’s representative (known as JPP).I was hesitating whether I should join. I was neither a good leader nor a good speaker and I was totally no experience at all, not even a school prefect, and the main point was I had stage fright. Still hesitating, messages from Chin Xia and Jie Qi encouraged me just go for a try and gain some experiences. But I still had a bit regretted after submitting the form. It was a four day campaign, kind of similar to the politician election, pasting the posters at every corner of the campus. Even the motto also thought out by my friend. Haha, you might think what a nominees am I...

On the third night, were a scary and frightening night, a manifestoes and speech giving night! Help! Sitting in front of the stage, every one was staring at me. OMG! Being the last nominee, waiting for other twenty nominees one by one to give their speech, it would only make me feel more and more nervous. Why were they so steady and confident? “Don’t worry you can do it!” Breathing deep and keep drinking water to calm myself down. Oh no, that make me wanted to go to toilet and giving up. “No, I can’t do that! I don’t want to become the only nominees who quit last minutes, Tortoise!”

And the time came, it was my turn. Slowly walk to the front, looking at those friends who supporting me down there, and started my greeting. But I was stuck and was shaking terribly. Nervous and panic filled my brain. I keep forgetting my point and my tongue like had been tied into knot. My vision became blurs and the cloud of black was the only thing I could see (which was the students’ hair). Instead of becoming worse, I could speak better and end my speech before time out.

A relief from me, the first thing I could think of was~ I was very hungry! Haha... Three minutes speech, a valuable experience! Thank to my senior, Suresh, who had helped a lot in the process and friends who helped me and support me throughout the election!

Although didn’t win in the election but I still manage to become the AJK. Since that my life over there changed. Lots of meeting and activities for me, busy and tensions were all I had. Sometime I also missed my dinner to attend the meeting. This type of busy lifestyle makes me live to the maximum and most importantly, no time for homesick!

2008-09-03T20:31:00.000+08:00

Staying in hostel was totally different from what I thought. The life here was tough without parents and close friends beside me. The first over here was really terrible. I cried of homesick and don’t dare to answer my parents phone calls. I scared that my tears would felt down uncontrollable after hearing their voice. It was so lonely and helpless. In this strange place, what was in my mind was hope to go home as soon as possible, wondering was it the right choice to come here. T.T

You never know that, Malay girls used to close all the windows, curtains and switched on a table lamp when sleeping. Every night I had to sleep in the hot, poor ventilation, lack of oxygen and bright room. I suffered just because they scared those “thing”. But this is their “lifestyle”, what can I do about it. Besides that, my roommates still were nice person.

The true meaning of racist was what I experience there. This could be seen during the election. Maybe Malay vote for Malay is very normal but how could they say Malay was not allowed to vote for Chinese. Sensitive topic…
Every one came from different background, place and believe, I faced lot of social problems. Sometime, I really can’t stand some one’s attitude, but still had to face them with smiling face, it was damm tiring. I really hoped I could go back high school life, together with my close friends

Hi

2008-08-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

Hi, this is my first experience writing blog. Hmm, have no idea what to write and how to start. I create this blog was request from my friends.

Come to matric wasn’t my first choice. I always hope to go to college just like u all. At least every one is over there. Unlike me alone, came to this place, far from house. I had made the decision, no way for me to turn back or regret, only can continue the journey.

Thanks for the farewell party you girls organised for me. A dinner at TGI Friday, every one gather around and chat, was so fun and nice, but seems hard for us to meet up in the future. I really appreciated for those who attended that day. Love and miss u guys always. FRIEND FOREVER!

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean we’ll miss you
Until we meet again!