Friday, November 28, 2008
Why shall we be forced to making choices? Sometime the decision we make is not according to our will but for the best.
Now I had two situations that I hatta make a harsh decision. I had no idea how, scare that once a mistake will make myself regret. Hating the feeling of regretting, why hasn’t I choose the other way instead of this? Lol, confliction occurs inside me now…
Actually it wasn’t anything hard just headache that need to make a decision that is the best solution that everyone will happy with it, including me.
Firstly, I had sign up for a 4 days 3 night Buddhist camp, which I joined every year, wanted to meet up my Buddhist friends so badly, to reunion with them, to tell them what had happen to me about my life in matric. There is like my second home, let me feel peace and comfortable and place that will bring me away from this stressful life.
Unfortunately, this camp crush with my college, which one is on 18 dec and the other is on 19. How? Crazy! But luckily both are at the same place. Lucky or not? I am force to join my college’s as I am the exco of students’ representative. Seem that I don’t have any choice. I was thinking that I apply holiday for two days then I go for the Buddhist camp for the first and a half day, my college’s students will only come on Friday after class. But on the hand, I will miss up a lot but most importantly is I have biology practical in Thursday morning, if I missed it I will get no mark for that report. Then, if I go after my practical, then I will only reach there at 12 noon. It is late and so troublesome. Hatta trouble Jeremy comes to pick me up and was thinking quit the camp. But I was told that there aren’t enough participants so I am not allowed or I will not get back my money. RM180!!! That is my pocket money. And I am not sure whether I can manage applying for holiday. Why no matter which ways I take also a dead end.
Someone told me to follow my heart, but the situation doesn’t allow me to do so.
Second one, my college is organizing Chinese New Year activity, I had joined protocol and stage decoration’s which was pulled by my friends because of not enough people. And I told myself that I am not gonna join back performances, cause dun want let myself ended up like last time tired of practicing. Yesterday, I randomly go see they practicing che ling (a traditional Chinese game) and I seem to get interested toward it. Died lo, I where have time to join so many activities o.. If I feel bad if suddenly quit the other two, they were not enough people only ask help for me, den I fong fei gei, I also dun like the me who do something until half way then give up. But the che ling was what I wanna learn since my high school but hatta give up because of transport problem. Two of my different inner self are arguing and fighting lol…
I hatta give up a lot of my wills and dreams last time but I dun want this happen again. Why is it that I hatta betray my will in making decision. Why can’t the situation just be on my side? After coming here, I like being trained to making different types of decision. Important or small thing… Just hope that God can lend me a hand or tell me in my dream which is the best decision.
“A good decision is always hard to make because you’ll never know whether the decision was right or not until you’ve already made it. The best is you think rationally and not emotionally. Imagine yourself as an outsider looking at your decision.”
This was told by Chantelle. But Chantelle, do you know is hard!
Maybe this is part of life, part of growth; take it and face it, cause is your fate!
People can only give you advice but can’t help you in making the decision. The last choice is always in your hand!
But advice please…
♥ the world will turn WILD.
9:12 PM
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Oh god, what had happen to me? Stomach ache! Which make me had a sleepless night… and now having fever.. Stomach ache is a very rare case in my life, that unexpected stamachache had make me dunno how to handle it. I even thought that take a panodal would reduced the pain, cause that is the only pain reliever I had.. swt == but nothing had turn better, I even went to toilet for 4 times.. It was so helpless and I dunno what to do to cure the stomach ache. Pray was my only hope… Pain doesn’t gone but increased… The food inside my stomach like spinning around and muscle of my abdomen kept contracting and cramp! That time was 12 something, my friend had slept already… curving myself on the bed and can’t continue my studies and homework… Before I slept, I ate some bao ji yuan (medicine to cure stomach ache which I steel from my sleeping soundly friend.) The rarely free time I had during weekend I planned to finish my tutorial homework been spoiled by it! Thanks to that dutch lady milk… Torture and suffer me for the whole night… If I went to my friend house for BBQ then I might not drink that spoiled milk and wouldn’t end up having stomach ache on the bed. Haiz…
♥ the world will turn WILD.
4:00 AM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
First weekend of the 2nd second semester, dunno why everyone was so excited to go outing. Five persons had asked me go out, but I rejected. Reason was I was very phobic to stand on the bus for almost 2 hours to and fro Kuantan, and the squessing process like the sardin in the tin was terrible experinces and had to have good self-balancing. I had also exceeded my pocket money due to the trip to lin ming san (where I had went to sg lembing to climb mountain in the 8 nov) and books for 2nd semester. Most importantly, high stacking homework was awaitng me.. sob sobx T.T So many reasons to prevent me form outing. Haiz guai guai stay in the room to rest myself also not an bad idea after all.
2day, my class had open a group blog, onlyyou4h20.blogspot.com
♥ the world will turn WILD.
9:31 AM
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Something happened, the meeting had make me so unsatisfied and dissapointed. Suddenly I felt so down and unable to concentrate on my study. I just took my phone and wanna text you a message and told you how I felt. The message was typed but unable to send to you. I was stunned and wondering should I press the send button.
In the end I make up my mind and cancelled the message. Since when there was a big gap between us that I was no longer can text you message just like we had been for the pass few years. You had push me far away, even thought you didn’t say it but I can feel that you were avoiding me.
You had make me get used to your existent. Last time, at late night when everyone had slept, when I can’t fall asleep or I felt sleepy but hatta keep myself awake to study, you were always there for me. But now, you were pushing me away, do you know how sad am i? From a sweet message become a short and stranger message. And later on you never even bother to text me. Last time the ‘you’ will always make me happy when I am down, follow my wills just to see a smile on my face.
What had make you changed? Where was the ‘YOU’ had gone? Is time really can changed someone? Why do you so cruel and treated me coldly? Just because of that incident? I just hoped that we can back to the friendship we had. Our friendship is just that weak? Or had you forgotten the sweet memories we had?
Sorry for hurting you so terrible. But that time really wasn’t a right timing. If there is another chances maybe the answer is yes. What I can say now is only sorry, realli sorry! You dunno know that I felt hurt too after that incident- first time after rejecting someone. SORRY
♥ the world will turn WILD.
3:23 AM
Friday, November 7, 2008
Birthday..
Sawing others birthday had someone celebrate for her or him, suddenly inside me will be very jealous. Not to said I small gas, but that was reminded me of this year birthday! 18th birthday was a sad case. Not only hatta being apart from family and friends came to this stranger place knowing no one and hatta spend my birthday alone without celebration. Luckily still had birthday wishes from my old friends. I got a two hours call from ye heng to wish me. But I was very touched of it. Even thought was just a call, that had comfort my homesick and loneliness.
I was planned to go home that weekend, but due to the short weekend and no one to accompany, I was forced to stay over here. That time, I knew very few people and they weren’t that close to celebrate for me. Sometimes, I did thought that was it a wrong timing to birthday on June?
Why do I still talk about something that had pass? I told my mum about it and I get scolded that she didn’t even celebrated when she was small. I also hoped that I can let it go, what was passed was passed and anticipating for next year wonderful birthday. But I just can’t let it off, always will thought of my 18 birthday, once in my life time just passed quietly without any celebration, present and friends beside me. :’( unfair!
May be you will think that why am I so pessimistic? Where had the optimistic me gone? I also wondering. Help me to find back the happy and always joke around girl back! I miss that ME!!!
♥ the world will turn WILD.
9:31 AM
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Exam exam, what is the main purpose of examination? Torturing us? Stressing us?
From small test to important examination. From examination in school, test to getting a driving license to interview to get a job… Different kind of exam is to let us know how cruel and competitive this society is. Believe or not this had become part of growing, becoming our childhood.
I had just passed my so called final… I studied like hell. Dreaming also about I haven finish memorizing biology. I studied until 3 or 4 in the morning… I also can’t imagine how crazy am I. Ended up, I fall sick on the day before exam. I took panadol to reduce my fever, consequently I become blur blur when answering my math exam. Everything I studied by burning midnight oil, all my hard work was wasted. Originally knew how to answer but headache made me wrote different and self-invented way of solution. (So take it as an advice, must let yourself have enough rest and don’t exceed your limit)
But there was something more crazy decision I had made. I went to my friend’s house on our revision week.. Unbelievable what is going wrong with me? Usually people will study hard in hostel and not going anywhere. Maybe I just wanna run away from the stress-causing-building.
I still dunno was it a good or wrong decision I had made. There was a good over there was I had nice food to eat and I hatta sleep earlier. The bad was would got influenced by the movies. Haha..
My friend who I went to her house, her name is called pui sin but I called her as Tong Tian, because we both born on the same day… What a coincident, ended up we became close friend! But she had a brilliant brain, for her, bio was just a piece of cake, she can memorize all the facts and terms very fast and managed to built up story to help me memorizing all the 11 chapters which were gonna kill me if without her. Thank a lot tong tian!
Sometime I did think that do I qualified to come here. Most of the Chinese are very smart here. Not like last time, happy go lucky. The changes had made me nearly can’t breath. Everyone had to complete with each other to get a place in local university. Only those who get good result can survive. I know is sad to hear it.
Compared to spm, I really study very hard for it. Telling myself must get all A’s in this exam in order to study medicine in UM. But after all, I am hesitating do really can become a doctor? There is much thing to study and lots more of terms need to memorize. My friend told me that nothing is impossible because impossible spelled as I M POSSIBLE! I really wanna become a doctor to volunteer myself in those emergencies or help up in the natural disaster cases. I even hoped to join SOS, a Singapore mobile medical centre. The main problem is my memory power is so limited. Ways to increase memory power? HELP!
♥ the world will turn WILD.
6:06 PM
Sorry for the absent.
Today I just have my MUET speaking test. Wasn’t that bad after all. Nervous + butterfly in the stomach. Haha.. Think is a normal case in everyone. From a candidate D become a candidate A. A big nope but a huge different. Thanks to wrong calculation from my friend. But I still manage to act confidently in the examination. Hehe.. My topic was about what is the greatest global issues – have traditional values, environment problem, the raising prices and increasing of crime rate. Mine is traditional values… Only after the task A I managed to think of those points. Never mind, there is still time for me to speak it out in task B. But who knew that the two malay girl talking slowly and keep repeating others point of view. Make the whole discussion become a competition of who talking longer… LOL.. Can’t stand them man! In the 10 minutes discussion, I only got to speak out twice TWICE!!! I really feel like scolding them for their selfishness.. After the test they still happily smiling over there said it wasn’t hard.. #*@%$#@...
Anyway what was over was over. I still have listening, reading and writing and this Saturday. Wish me good luck lar…. But because of this test, my mid semester holiday just ended like this. SAD + BORING!!
♥ the world will turn WILD.
3:00 PM
