How long have you not calling back to your family? How long have you not have a meal with your grandparents? How long have you not hug your parents and say how much you love them?

If you really have long time din do it, better act fast. Life is short. There is so many thing that is so unpredictable, dun let it become your list of regret.

Our parents or grandparents always considerate for us, say if we are busy then no need to trouble to go back, telephone bill is expensive… but do we care and considering for them? Maybe is time for us to go back and spend more time with them. No matter how busy we are, they are our closest people, inside us is flowing their blood… just take a break and have a meal with them, or go back often, just a same action like this will also make them very happy.

Act fast, life is as short as candle. Dun regret because is too late after all…

♥ the world will turn WILD.
12:31 PM

♥ the world will turn WILD.
2:00 PM

Dec 12, dunno why, I cant concentrate on my study, usually at night was my best time to study, no one to disturb me, but no matter how many time I read the passages, it just go into my mind. What’s wrong with me? End up I studied till 3 am. Before slept, I prayed for my grandmother, hope god will blessed her not to suffer of pain. She would spend the rest of her life with happiness and not suffering from her diseases anymore.

On the day, before, my sister called me and I insisted to talk to my grandma, she said her whole body was very pain. But she still worried of me, asked how was life over here? I told her everything was fine and not to worry about me. I told her that god will bless her and wun feel pain anymore…

The next day, I went outing with friends. Suddenly my phone rang and it was my dad. Oh god, I din tell my dad I outing, will he angry for not telling him, who knew, if I knew I’ll not pick up the phone.

Who knew, that day was the last time I able to talk to my dear grandma, I dun even have chance to see her for the last time. Why can’t you just wait till Christmas? I had already plan to go back to visit you, just few more weeks… When was the last time I saw you? Think was the August holiday.

After the call, I was also surprised to my calmness. I just sit quietly and tried to think back those memories I had with my grandma, but nothing came to my mind. Izit my brain cant function or the memories that I can clearly remember was after my grandma was sick. Sadly… heard from my mum, because of the wrong diagnosis of the doctor, my grandma wun end up go for dialysis for these two years and suffer so much that she doesn’t have to.

My dad asked me no need to go back, my grandma had go with peace, she had went with Buddha. I was struggling, how am I gonna apply for holiday if I just went back like this? But this would be the very last time to see her… I asked my cousin and I broke down. I knew the answer. I sure my grandma want me to go back, maybe that was the excuse for me to go back. I missed her so much.

I had made a very shocking decision. I went to the terminal and bought a ticket back to muar alone. That time I can’t even buy the ticket myself. My friend helped me to buy the ticket and straight away get up to the bus. I dun care of everything, din bring any clothes to change, nothing, just wanna go back as fast as possible. First time in my life took bus alone, the journey was so lonely and moody. 4 and a half hour journey had made me so tiring, plus slept late on the night before. But was to see my dear grandmother for the last time, I think it worth it…

I reached muar at 1.50pm, the bus consider quite fast. Waiting my dad to come to pick me up, this time I came here with a totally different feeling, suddenly this place seems to be so different to me. My whole family came to pick me, they looked so tired and my mum’s eyes were red and ‘bengkak’. We went to the place where they place my grandma, everyone were there already. They were surprised to see me there. I was told to pray and I went to see my grandma. She lied and slept inside there with peace and relieve. But was so skinny and left only skin covering the bone. What was life? To suffer till the last breath?

I din cry, even I also can’t believe it… I still felt she was just beside me, never leaving us. She was just left her sick body and the illness, I was sure her life after this would be good, free from suffering and also happy ever after.

After that I went to my aunt’s house to have my lunch. And we hatta be vegetarian for 49 days. Avoiding killing, following the Dhamma’s taught. I changed to a blue t-shirt; symbolize the 3rd generation… sad…
I went there again, to pray and chanting… This was the last thing we can do for her. The section was serious and I saw my mum and aunt sobbing. They tried hard to controlling the tears, because we dun want grandma to feel grudged. We want her to continue her ‘journey’ to become a god.

Over there I met my long time no see cousins. Izit that only once people had gone only can manage to gather everyone, to make them regret of what they did. When grandma was still alive, everyone was busy to come to see her, even as her children also dun want to take care of her, only my aunt take care of her, and my mum will go back once having holiday. Therefore, I always go back to hometown was because of this reason. Now I pity of my aunt, she always be with my grandma, her husband and her children were always not at home, it was my grandma who accompanied her. Now the sudden absent of my grandma, dunno how she is gonna get used of this… Thinking of this my tears just felt down like this… My aunt sacrificed her time and everything for grandma, but in the end………. I heard she had became very hot template, can’t blame her, she just need time, same as everyone of us, need time to get used that when I go back, I had no one to call as ‘wai po’ already… just hope she can ‘recover’ soon.
I was forced to come back earlier, because my parents dun wanna my studies to be affected. I dun get the chance to ‘send’ my grandma for her last journey. I knew she wun blame me, but I did… because of study so far away, I can’t take care of my grandma, I can’t be there for her before she went, can’t see her ‘ zui ho yi mian’.

Now everything had passed, and hatta move on. As long as my grandma had went to heaven and lives happily with my grandpa.

Grandma, I miss you so much!!! How are you up there? I really hope you can come to my dream and talk to me.

Amithaba

♥ the world will turn WILD.
4:00 PM

So sad, I was informed that I have replacement class on 20th dec, means I can’t go for my Buddhist camp. If I go for the camp, then I’ll be absent for three days, and missed a lot of classes… that stupid replacement class had spoiled my entire plan and my rm180 had ruined… just hope that now can find someone to replace me…

♥ the world will turn WILD.
9:31 AM

What is so big deal of having a gf or bf?

To cure loneliness or just for entertainment? Have how many people really loved their bf /gf? Or just some sort of puppy love? Someone can say can’t live without he/she, and then he/she is the one wanna break up. After break up, then becomes nothing, dun even wanna mention of each other and never contact each other… each other continue with their own life, pretend dun know each other… What is the meaning of love then?

When my friends beside me, one by one have become couples, I will feel… dunno how to describe, loneliness, sadness or maybe jealous…

My friend even joked by saying wanna built a ‘gu po yun’ for me. Some asking me why dun wanna go find a bf… they said until I dun wanna have a bf, they dunno that how much I hoped to have someone to be there for me when I say or alone, someone to buy me meals, someone to rely on when tired, someone to care of me, to protect me when I am in trouble, accompany me when I alone, bring me go shopping… I was always waiting for that suitable guy to appear… Am I very greedy?

Even some dun believe that I din couple before, and asked why… How am I gonna explain o? Funny question. Sad experiences I had been through, always the person I like dun like me… what can I do? Accept those I have no feeling toward him? I can’t do it. Dun set my target too high, you think love, this thing can be controlled…

I had once let go the opportunity, which I can only blame myself. But only because I rejected him only I realised how good was him, that I slowly also fall in love with him that I dun realise before this… But it was too late…

When people tried to get near me, there will have lotz of worries and thinking come to my mind… Maybe because of the terrible experience before this… See from outside, I can mix with guys freely, but once reach a limit, there it is, can’t be any closer… Haha, I also can’t help with that.

My pet brother, we had once always sms with each other, but suddenly he like disappear. Always said he was busy of his studies, I was still so stupid to believe him, but the true answer was he had gf already. He Had GF already! And he told me is time for me to find one… Have gf then can neglect her sister? Maybe for him I was just a pet sister… cruel him!

Have gf/bf already then friends and family become nothing… why? They said no time for others… Damm sad, knowing each other for so long then can suddenly replaced by a gf/bf…

I also anticipate for HIM to appear. But who can tell me when is he gonna appear, when is he gonna then? My friend will console me by saying is just not the time yet, a good one worth waiting… wait patiently till the time to come… lol.. Sad…

I dunno why I so worry and nervous of it. I had been single for all this years, I am used to this kinda life, and always place my study in the first place. But why change?

♥ the world will turn WILD.
5:09 PM

What is so big deal of having a gf or bf?

To cure loneliness or just for entertainment? Have how many people really loved their bf /gf? Or just some sort of puppy love? Someone can say can’t live without he/she, and then he/she is the one wanna break up. After break up, then becomes nothing, dun even wanna mention of each other and never contact each other… each other continue with their own life, pretend dun know each other… What is the meaning of love then?

When my friends beside me, one by one have become couples, I will feel… dunno how to describe, loneliness, sadness or maybe jealous…

My friend even joked by saying wanna built a ‘gu po yun’ for me. Some asking me why dun wanna go find a bf… they said until I dun wanna have a bf, they dunno that how much I hoped to have someone to be there for me when I say or alone, someone to buy me meals, someone to rely on when tired, someone to care of me, to protect me when I am in trouble, accompany me when I alone, bring me go shopping… I was always waiting for that suitable guy to appear… Am I very greedy?

Even some dun believe that I din couple before, and asked why… How am I gonna explain o? Funny question. Sad experiences I had been through, always the person I like dun like me… what can I do? Accept those I have no feeling toward him? I can’t do it. Dun set my target too high, you think love, this thing can be controlled…

I had once let go the opportunity, which I can only blame myself. But only because I rejected him only I realised how good was him, that I slowly also fall in love with him that I dun realise before this… But it was too late…

When people tried to get near me, there will have lotz of worries and thinking come to my mind… Maybe because of the terrible experience before this… See from outside, I can mix with guys freely, but once reach a limit, there it is, can’t be any closer… Haha, I also can’t help with that.

My pet brother, we had once always sms with each other, but suddenly he like disappear. Always said he was busy of his studies, I was still so stupid to believe him, but the true answer was he had gf already. He Had GF already! And he told me is time for me to find one… Have gf then can neglect her sister? Maybe for him I was just a pet sister… cruel him!

Have gf/bf already then friends and family become nothing… why? They said no time for others… Damm sad, knowing each other for so long then can suddenly replaced by a gf/bf…

I also anticipate for HIM to appear. But who can tell me when is he gonna appear, when is he gonna then? My friend will console me by saying is just not the time yet, a good one worth waiting… wait patiently till the time to come… lol.. Sad…

I dunno why I so worry and nervous of it. I had been single for all this years, I am used to this kinda life, and always place my study in the first place. But why change?

♥ the world will turn WILD.
5:09 PM

This Too Shall Pass

If I can endure for this minute
Whatever is happening to me,
No matter how heavy my heart is
Or how dark the moment may be.

If I can remain calm and quiet
With all the world crashing on me
Secure in the knowledge God love me
When everyone else seems to doubt me

If I can but keep on believing
What I know in my heart to be true
That darkness will fade with the morning
And that this will pass away, too

Then nothing in life can defeat me
For as long as this knowledge remains
I can suffer whatever is happening
For I know God will break all the chains

That are binding me tight in the darkness
And trying to fill me with fear
For there is no night without dawning
And I know that my morning is near.

This was my eng teacher gave to us and this let me thought of before the exam, I was almost giving up, because bio was so many things to memorize. And I was thinking am I qualified to study medicine? Being a doctor was my ambition since small, but this dream seems hard to achieve. And the newspaper even reported that at least 5 doctors were found to suffering from mental illnesses. OMG. Should I go on or take another path? Dream or Reality?

♥ the world will turn WILD.
3:00 AM

Yesterday, was result giving out day, can consider as open day just that the parents din come. Nervous? Nope. Just telling myself not to think of it, and I was busy with homework because of went outing on the weekend and a lot of homework staking waiting for me…

It was on Tuesday, and the classes were still gone on. At 11.45am, my friends were pulling me to go take the result. It was still early, we hatta wait outside the hall, and people started to worry about their result. But we still able to joke and the situation wasn’t that tension. Once the door was open, everyone rushed in, and I was the 1st one, I stun and dun dares to take another step. Keep praying every step I took, a lot of different situation flashed into my mind.

And the result was just I wanted, just I got B for English. Never mind, be satisfied with what I got. Izit a curse? I never get good result for my eng paper before, even failed it. This was what my dad care a lot, he wasn’t satisfied when he knew I got B for it. When everyone thinks eng was nothing, no need to study, but I do care and study for it, but always can’t get the result for it.

Thank GOD!! All my hard work had got its reward. Not to boost, I really scarified my sleeping time and entertainment for this exam, never in my life so tension before. But after I getting my result, someone just said how can they get 4 flat so easily, they just saw the outside and dunno how much effort we put in.

I dunno izit my classmate was angry of me? We promised not to tell each other our results no matter how was it. We dun want because of result affect our friendship, but my math tutor teacher forced every one of us to say out our result. Dun him care of our feeling? Maybe of the message, I was trying to comfort her when she told me din score well, then maybe she misunderstood my meaning and thought I was telling lie.

What was the feeling getting the result? Happy? Nope.. When I saw someone crying after getting the result, suddenly I also feel very down. Dunno why. Some more it rained heavily that afternoon. No mood at all. I have no initiative to let other know about my result because I think it was nothing to proud of, it only adds sadness to those who doesn’t get what their wanted. But dunno who was the big mouth spread it and everyone seems to know it. Some when they congrats me, I can feel the bitterness inside them. I did experienced it before, nothing can cure it but time.

♥ the world will turn WILD.
10:22 AM