Friday, August 14, 2009
Changing course
I got the scholarship of IPTA, sponsor me for all the tuition fee and expenditure for food of rm700, until master and PhD at oversea if I have a good result but bonded with the government to be a lecturer for 6 years. It was a very good offer and I have no worries of money and job finding in the future just I wasn’t my cup of tea! I asked my friends’ opinion, all said interest come first in your concerning. As you know, studying chemistry wasn’t my first choice, and all the problems seemed to pop out…
I was so innocent thinking that I shall have a easier life by choosing chem, no need to study so hard and can enjoy life by taking this course and in the future, I can high opportunity to find a job and get high salary. Compared to medicine, I can graduate faster and may have the title of Dr too… I was wrong, studying what you not interested is suffering! Although among so many subject, chem was best score but no matter how hard I putting my afford in liking it, I just can control my mind.
I used to focus too much on medic, planning all my life related to medic, but the final exam in matric was when the nightmare started, if I could focus and study well that time, the history might had changed, I wun be so headache persuading myself to accept the fact. Even now I wanna change course I also dunno what courses I can change to… engineering, I din study physic in matric, it will be difficult for me without a strong base. Architect, no physic base and creativity; pharmacy and dentistry, not interested; linguistic, poor and terrible in languages… what else can I change to? Ended up only can change from pure chem to applied chem, so sad case!
Without interest, you’ll find it so hard to proceed and find hundreds of disadvantages of it but not a single advantage. No matter how easy the subject is, it will become something that is so hard and unable to do… I realize that interest is the one controlling your mind, your action and your passion toward stuff, but is too late to make a u-turn. Was it a right choice I took this step? Should I continue? Whenever there is someone talked bad about it, as usual reaction, I will protest but now I’ll follow and accept what they said was true, having no point to argue with them because deep inside myself also agree with it… Tiring telling myself dun regret and that was my fate which was best for me.
Chem and medic was such a big different subject. I thought I had mentally and physically for the change and prepared to accept the challenge, as the result I was not! I can’t accept being very normal and casual, when you tell others about your course, their reaction were “OIC” not “wow” or surprising… I hate their reactions, hate myself unable to get good result to study what I want. Although chemist also consider as a scientist but seemed its level was lower compared to medic and engineering, like those not smart or people who get eliminated who studying it. In my course, mostly is stpm students, some of them will think that you are not smart enough to get the course you want. It was true that chemistry wasn’t our first choice.
I shouldn’t listen to my dad, aiming for UM in order for the convenience of transport. If I know the result was like this, I rather apply for USM or go Sabah or Sarawak to study medic or choosing dietitian and nutrition then I would have less regret… although is so hard to score but it is so fun studying it, even now I felt so sad unable to further my study in bio. Everything is too late, my friend advice seemed to be true, reaching for the dream is always the most important, money is just secondary. I really hope I have time machine now to undo back all the mistake steps!
♥ the world will turn WILD.
1:29 PM
